Friday, February 19, 2010

meltdown

Been quiet. Been an hour. Coldplay is in the background. GR on the bean bag. Yet silence prevails. In a room normally punctuated by shrill laughter. its quiet. warm quiet, but silent.

Been weeping. On and off through the day.

Ms. Bodyshop, my only historical friend is shifting to Mumbai. Her transfer came through yesterday, she goes in 10 days. Poooff.... just like that my friend, my neighbor, my college laughter bag, shall up and disappear. She needed to go, her boy friend is there, a better job ....promotion etc etc. It is the right thing to have happened.

She told me this morning, and I almost hung up.

Sent her one sms. Dont go ;-(

Throughout the day, each time I think of it my eyes well up. They are welling up right now.  Its not like we met everyday, but she is my rock., the one who holds my hand and understands, the one who gets more angry when others treat me badly than I do.. the one who lounges on sunday afternoons and trashes men, the one who comes and smiles for the camera, at HRC.. she is the one who demands i get her aam papad from delhi, makes cake and shares her home.

The one I went to when I broke up. Opened her doors for me and made sure she heard me cry, no matter how long.

The one who does not censure but cares. who carries her Mango bag, neatly matched with her Janpath shoes, and cooks Biryani with elan. The pink T shirt sleeper, the innocent eyes when she secretly asks me where Denmark is... the mad one, who poses with flowers in her hair on a hillside trip.

Happy she is, A women she is, strong and tender.....the one who u can call for handy tips on everything from diet bread to the sauciest lingerie. She is getting married too this year.... as well. It is possible for someone to be happy for someone at be utterly miserable at the same time? I dont know but that is how I feel.

My Blore world has been shrinking, Yet she was one of the pillars, resolute and strong.
Now there is left, one, just one
Reminds me of the song,
There were 10 green bottles, hanging on the wall.
one broke and then there were 9 green bottles hanging on the wall...
Seems like I am winning the race to be the last green bottle hanging on the wall
Not sure if this race, has a prize or a penalty at the end..........

Time shall tell.  Time the ultimate mystery

I feel fevicoled to this room. this house. Trapped and closed.
I feel unsure and confident
grounded and flightless
yet, optimistic of the change around the corner
hope am on the right road

But for now all I know is that I am saying, please dont go. I need you here. need you get angry and cry when I do silly things, to have dinner with me, to tell me about ur tales. Dont go............