Monday, January 31, 2011

10 things for 2011

  1. Reconnect and sustain the yogic part of life
  2. Get Published
  3. *********** (secret goal)
  4. Learn 1 dance form
  5. Be engaged in one thing larger than me. Volunteer/Learn something that has no selfish purpose
  6. Learn to ride the bike and be better underwater
  7. See 5 new places. Explore 2 new cultures
  8. Make 3 new lasting relationships, I can count on to for a beer or a walk in the rain
  9. Pray every day
  10. Do my BhavaSpandana, run a half marathon, totally quit smoking and smile

Sri Lanka

Is not India.

That was the one thought that came over n over again as we travelled through the little island. Somehow, because it was right there, because it was ever so closely linked with us - what with Hanuman flying in, and Ravan doing his thing, Sita sitting there, Rajiv Gandhi and LTTE - somehow imagined it to be an hybrid extension of Tamil Nadu and Kerala

Thankfully that is one thing it is not

Open doors and gates, windows without grills on them.. the average roads are a maze of well developed houses and happy faces. Despite being a war ravaged country, there is no poverty in the air - everyone has enough to eat and there is hence a QUIET DIGNITY doing the rounds

Letching is missing, foreigners have an easier time travelling and there are no 100 touts goading you into there hotel and taxi. Friendly faces, make you feel at ease. Sure they are still making  money off you, sure there are small instance where you know you are paying the tourist rate but its done with so much charm that you smile and happily shell out that extra 100 rupees

Clean. everything is clean. the roads are clear, well maintained and pot hole free.
The sea is blue,
the air somehow devoid of fumes
an ease of being fills the air making it seem allright

Sure its not like everything is perfect, look carefully and you can sense that the minds work a little slower, there is a lot of catering to the tourist thats done, in the interiors English evaporates and there is limited knowledge of the world beyond..

Women have it good, no matter what age, shape or size the average person is dressed in a skirt and blouse, comfortable in having the contours of her body visible. The men show a modest amount of respect, and there is an overall sense of safety.
A women wearing a bikini with her white sarong wet from the sea stood near a crowded ATM. There was not much left to imagination, and as she stood in que there were no 100 people surrounding her for a glimpse. It was as normal for her to be there, as it was for the Sri Lankan women with her child to stand there,

But I get the feeling that there is something that I missed. As we drove around on the bike, everyone wanted to confirm if i was sri lankan or Indian. The moment they knew I was not one of them, it almost seemed as if they breathed a sigh of relief... that I was not one of them

Still dont know what prompted that..
all in all its a country that is more than worth visiting
a picture blog coming soon

One Slap

One Slap is what I deserve. For the sheer laziness on display with respect to blogging. The first year anniversary of the blog came and went, reminded myself that i must blog and in the evening was too tired to get the laptop out. Pathetic behaviour.

With the result that now I have a huge backlog of posts to complete for me to even feel like I have done justice.
For the now lets begin with a quick recap

2011 has started and started well. All around me new things are erupting for the close friends, think the new year ushers in change like nothing else. For example:  a pal has got a long time of unpaid leave with job security confirmed, another has quit her job of several years, a third has cast off his half baked dreams of an international degree and decided to dig in his heels and work and a fourth has decided to do new.

Each of them are people I know well. Each has gone through a period of struggle before they got to this position of immense clarity regarding what they want to do and when. Each has butterflies in their belly and there is a sense of movement .... and somehow without anything super dramatic happening plum the moment fell into their laps.

life is like that. just happens

Made me wonder if I wanted butterflies too.

I do, but of a different kind the ones that comes with a huge adventure in front of me. The last few days were a blur of a vacation, a workshop and an dumb ass trip to Chennai and back. From this movement, today a slice of peace has emerged and from that peace a need to pause and ask what next.

Heard that my brother started learning music. He has wanted to for years and now has devoted time to doing so. Wonder what I want to learn.. Dance, Painting and Something to do with the point of confluence with the eastern and western world

When.. when the time is right. 

Friday, January 21, 2011

YA Ba DA BA Dooooooooooo!!!

I am off I am off, in a few hours from now I shall be on a flight to discover a new country and see a new city and see elephants and tea gardens and the sea and vegetate and do the little camera trips and be ME!!! yeyee

Of course, there are no hotel bookings done, have lost the lonely planet, have made myself a deadline of 2 ppts and have tonnes of shit to do including packing a rucksack for 5 days with clothes of 2 people.. near impossible feat me says...

but who the hell cares. am going to explore and see and discover and expand what next i know i do and can be.. its delicious ., and not having planned means anything can be done, any direction explpored any destination uncovered...

the road awaits
i like

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Turning 30

My mother has this new feedback mechanism, she heads for a movie and then tells me in depth how much particular parts of the movie reminded her of me. Fair enough as statements go, welcome even when the character in question is a young pretty thing like a Deepika Padukone.. and depressing when its some sobby character.

Hmmmm, so off she went and saw Turning 30 yesterday and proceeded to come home and tell me how the modern life was so complex, the need to find oneself and quit smoking now now now... !!! okok! so off I went to see the movie.

Turning 30. That is where I stand, a few months into this year, I shall be doing just that, celebrating my 30th birthday on the 30th of the month.. way too many 30's for me in one go..

The excited Gul or Naina as is her screen name, has been dating for 3 years - she is modern, happy, living a mumbai life and in the midst of it all her rich urban man decides that he loves her but must marry someone else. Thats it. It ends. she is single again.

A regular breakup it would have been, had it not been around the age of 30.. its a women thing, technically though we are dating the men we are with, at a deeper level we are already married, the kids have come, the dog is been trained and the inlaws visits planned. Net to Net- The marriage, the ring and the proposal are mere formalities we know shall come, the only uncertainty is when not if.

At the same time, the 30 year old men are a little more torn. They can see that family looming large and big and at one level lust after it. Peer pressure hits them too. Friends are married, families are being planned, the next beer drinking session is getting to be pushed because the inlaws are visiting..,.. there is a mellow feeling that maybe its time

Yet, there is a desire to remain the young man, the one who can drink all night, get up and run in the morning and be the boy.. This creates another level of confusion within them and when the women get demanding the answer is to run.. often

This is not a male bashing blog, but a reminder of how in the Indian context, the 30 age still has many many layers of expectations strung together.. and meeting them or being comfortable not meeting them becomes a manner of expressing who u are.. without needing to the one who does not confirm becomes a rebel and the one who does a settler..

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

almost there

January 28th 2010

That was the day that this blog got a lease of life, and I began the documentation. The year has come and is almost drawing to an end. The blog did well. I give my very own self a pat on my back.

As I read some of the post from this time last year, i realized how long a journey has been navigated. Was nagging myself at the turn of the year, that 2010 was a year where I did not grow enough there was not too much that I did for me... was erring in my statements.. maybe i did not do the courses, and the learnings in the structured manner but looking back the year taught me a lot

  • it was a year that taught me to surrender and accept, to flow and be happy with that moment
  • to trust. - that it would all be allright, and by this trust in allowing myself to float with that which came by
  • to experiment and keep walking when they failed. the mba dream went bust, something else came up, the first job didnt work out, something else came up, the treatments didnt work out, something else came up, the first client project didnt work out, something else came up.........
  • reminded me that I had grown up. Shivering in a community yogic bath in Berlin- it hit me, between being a hippie globe trotter and a home based occasional traveler, for now i knew exactly which boat I wanted to be on... HUGE news for me.. Blondie was saner. 
  • Gratitude- in an inner space, to look at life and realize that I was living "those good days" right now. .. that somehow it had all worked out... in the manner that I wanted. i was happy, life was good. the universe does deliver
A year ago, one lost dog and several grey hairs later (i know) I am aware that this blog did more than document. somewhere somehow it got me to pause and be a little quiet everyday, it got me home to me. 

A promise is a promise

that I was here, a reason for everything

I have not blogged in almost a month, and all of it purely because I did not create the time. Missed it though, in a manner that one sort of misses a gentle breeze on a hot day, an absence that fleetingly creates a void.

Then yesterday something changed. 
a little red book came into my hands and after years made me cry
So moving was that one true story, that I 

Sat on the window seat, of a Jet lite flight, shut my eyes and let the tears roll down. Whispered a prayer to the couple in the story and a silent prayer of thanks to my guardian angel. Wrote a weepy mental note of apology to my friend and vowed to tell someone, what they meant to me.

Thats a lot for a small book to achieve.

A promise is a promise. - a rendition of the true life of two remarkable women by Dr. Wayne Dyer. 
Edwarda, is this girl who at the age of 16 slipped into a deep coma and to date, 26 years later has not woken up from it. Taking care of her is Kayne, her mom who has to take care of her everyday.. this involves feeding her every 2 hours, sleeping in a chair next to her and giving her injections at 4 hour intervals... 26 YEARS.. she has not stepped out of her house, or slept on a bed! 

Yet....... the touching thing about this story wasnt just about suffering and sacrifice and putting a brave face on it.. but something far subtler.

Kayne has a KNOWING not a belief or a hope but a knowing that her daughter shall emerge from this one day, so strong is this knowingness that she never for a moment slipped into despair and doesnt let any naysayers enter her door. She believes that the God gave her daughter the strength to endure it and what is best for her shall happen.......

Edwardas room is considered to be almost holy. there is a sense of peace a presence there that radiates it. This is coming from Wayne Dyer himself, a man whose intelligence I trust. 

As the story of these ladies unfolded one was already moved by the extent of devotion and unconditional acceptance that they lived with. To add to that came a surprising twist.

Blessed Mother, or Mary-- to the skeptics who are rolling there eyes, I am a believer in miracles and things holy, in universal conspiracies and games to me are true and alive.. and a visit from an angel a possibility. Mother mary spoke to Kayne about how her daughter had chosen to be the victim soul. -- a martyr someone who suffers on behalf of the world. it was a choice. a choice made to fulfill her purpose

The book reminded me that there was more. 
More than my little life and the current tensions
more that was being done for me, by forces unknown to me
more that i could give, more that i could love
and that beyond all the petty thoughts, 
there was a reason we were here, 

a reminder to pray and surrender 
just for a moment float and be
made me quiet
made me weep
made me accept the now for its splendor

thank u. Dr Dyer for writing it and for the two ladies for the inspiration ur life is.