Sunday, January 31, 2010

Puppies Day out

Today was a BIG DAY! A huge social experiment was to be undertaken, woke up all enthused, evidenced by the fact that me, puppy (still unnamed, rooting for it being called Machku Singh alias Gul Panag), and my rock of Gibralter friend, henceforth called Male Monica, were off on a Mission, that could rock the way we viewed the Animal Kingdom.

Oh before I proceed, I must tell digress for a bit. So Male Monica, is a character beyond comparison. The world knows him as the "oh so cool, sworn to being a Bachelor for ever" man, nothing ruffles him, he is one of those......... relax mate, there is nothing that a solid drink or 2 cannot solve ;-).

So Male Monica (MM) (Note to self- must stop using brackets, this is such a legal addiction and so not conducive to reading) comes home to see puppy. One look and he is smitten. Spends the entire evening looking at her eyes, holding her and teaching her the art of sleeping on his belly.

Was super cute seeing MANLY MAN, reduced to mush by a 3 inch tall ball of fur, who was forgiven a zillion bites, by just one gazeful aww look... heheheheheheeheeheeee Men are so easy!

Coming back to Animal Kingdom Mission!

A devious experiment was on. MM, Me and Puppy Singh, at 11 am were Bathed, Armed and Prepared.

Mission - Introduce 3 inch pup to 2.5 inch hyper active kitten. (names withheld for  privacy reasons)
 @!%@#%$#^^$ my entire blog post got wiped out. and have to retype! @!%#%^%

The experiment got off to an awful start. Ineberiated with milk, Puppy Singh, did not take well to the wind on the face feel that cars tend to provide. Looking nothing like the jovial Pedigree dogs, you see in ads, she whimpered on my lap and restlessly moved on her seat, before proceeding to spray me, the seat belt, the steering wheel and even the wind shield with semi solid bits of bread and well digested Milk..

Notwithstanding the runiation of my brand new white shirt ruined, puppy singh sank on the car floor and slept for the remainder of the drive. Needless to say, by the time the battle ground was reached, she was groggy, muttering at the stupidity of humans, reached kitties house, ignored the world and went into one of her infamous coma induced sleep modes. Come to think of it, she does behave a lot like a grouchy old lady.

The Kitty Kat however was definately a more intutive animal. She sensed that today was no ordinary day and she rose at the stroke of dawn, sharpened her claws, deftly moved to the vegetable tray and choose the heftiest onions and potatoes. Working quietly, to get past customs (read as miss owner) she rolled each of the 5 onions and 4 potatoes, into her room. Meditated for 5 minutes and rehearsed her Kung Fu moves. Using only and only her inner strength, sharp teeth and claws, the onions were shredded and scattered over the room. Kitty Kat was ready for battle. Purring contendlty she waited, patienly for her turn to come.

The battle hour had come. Stupefid puppy was shaken awake. She struggled to make sense of her new surroundings and sniffed at all corners. Kitty Kat was on home turf, warmed up, practicsed and confident. She marched down the hall. Purring, Striding the stride of the crowned queen.

The distance shortened. The meows got louder. Even the oblovious pup, cocked a year and paused her stumbling. Kitty drew closer, eyes narrowed, claws out. They sniffed the air, inching yet closer.We stood still. Tense with anticipation. With suspense, Waiting to scoop up our respective wards..

Less than 3 inches apart, the Pup gazed at the Kitty. They sized each other up.. cold strong looks. Silence was heavy, till........... Puppy sneezed, Kittie got shocked, tucked tail and ran helter skelter to her room. Puppy shook her head, sunk back to her sheet and slept off.

We laughed as we waited for the impending round 2. Mortified kitty slunk back to her room, shut the door and gave way to her fury. All we could see, was a puffed up ball of fur, springing from the wall, to the innocent onion sitting on the corner, the laughing humans were greeted with cold stares and hissing noises. Chastened, we let the Kung Fu master find her chi.

Round 2, Battle one

Kung Fu master Kittie Kat calmed down. The jingling bell was no longer heard. Everyone waited. Everyone but the Puppy Singh, who recovering from her coma sleep was looking for a rug to pee on.

Kitties room door opened a crack, using the wall as camoflauge, she stealitly moved inch by inch. The tigeress walk was perfected, arched back, tension in every cm of movement she quietly crossed the hallway. Ducked below the fridge, cast one side way look at still fumbling puppy, snorted, she darted behind the bookshelf, peeped out, gauged the distance to the sofa, ran at top speed, dived, rolled, landed on all fours and before we knew it, sunk on her belly and inched to the battle position. Being?? Looking straight at the Opponent. Or rather the opponents peeing bottom ;-)

Perfect, kung Fu kitty was determined to have the last laugh. Beliving in the dignity of a fight, she waited for her puppy singh to finish peeing. Locked puppy singh in her stare, balanced herself onto her fours, snarled, puffed her tail and lauched herself in the air............. the exact same time that MM stretched out his hand, and she collided. Hahahaahaaahaaaa, Kung Fu fighting was never so entertaining!!!

Awwww so the experiment did give us some very interesting results. One that even at less than 2 months old the four leggged furry animals are well as different as cats and dogs. The cat could not care less if humans were around, they deserved a cursory hug in the morning nothing more, no baths, toilet training, walking nothing! Puppy Singh, needs constant attention, maid to clean up after, snuggles and cuddles, baths, walks the whole deal.

The one thing that they both do manage to do, is get a fully MACHO Man to become mush ball. ;-) Even when puppy has the loosies,
Some images of battle ground.....


Saturday, January 30, 2010


Inertia has a new name, its called me. Have spent 2 no make that 3 days sitting on the bed, playing with the pup and seeing back to back movies, season after season of how i met your mother, and writing gibberish. For a restless hyper active person like me, this behavior is akin to being buried alive. To make matters worse, am refusing calls and not even meeting people. GAWD!! I am growing old and can see creepy blue green fungus growing from my toes nails.

The hottest topic of the day is puppy names. The intellectualia in my room has these suggestions: Palak, Tokri, St Mary, Queen Mary, Tamatar Singh, Laila, Virgin Mary, droopy, olive oil aka poppy, Rocketie, Garflied, alloo bhallo, mia, tia, cleo, cheeni, kaddu, queen victoria also know as viki puttar, mumtaz mahal aka mummy, matki and other atrocious names.

We have agreed to names for the to be got turtles. One is going to be called blue and the other tooth.

Getting on with the post. The intertia laden me, finally managed to peel myself away from the laptop, and went to a lovely place for dinner. Greek ambiance, roof top seating, candles, wind streaming through. Huge quantities of food and aimless conversations about past moments that drifted into an impromptu singing session.

But through this all there was me, there but not there. These were old friends, just having some of them together at the same table should be enough to make one happy. However something has been missing.. over the past week something in the belly has been going " Whee.. Whee.. Whee.. Whee"

Has there ever been a zone in your life, when everything around you is completely fine. You too are fine. Yet all you can seem to think about is that you are done. You love the people that you meet, but there is no new tale to share, no new conversation to make, you know each of their actions and reactions. The city becomes known, and the mystery that surrounded the city unveils it self as prejudices and set behaviours.

You know you have definitely extended your stay if there is no place to even travel to. Every tiny weekend place has been done.

Bottom line, its time to move. To thank the city, the people, the memories and move on to something else. For the past few months have been feeling like the "kuan ka maindak or the frog in the well". A frog that has loved and lived in the well, has been trying to leap frog out, is getting close with each leap but the spill over is yet to happen!!!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH Someone slap me!! it sounds so whiny even as i type it...

I am def undergoing the PMS stage, need my mojo back soon...

new names.. btw, Cow, sheep, monkey, aligator, jolie, julie, shawn the sheep, pataki, papri, Gul Panag, Madonna. baba sehgal mein bhi madona, Jazzi Jassi, Jassi by the bay, machli. ello menno

Need to be rescued from brain assault

Friday, January 29, 2010

Movie list

Am going to list and add on to this list the movies seen this year.
Till now
  1. New York New York I love you
  2. 2 days in Paris
  3. How to win friends and alienate people
  4. Hope Springs
  5. Titli
  6. A guju movie, name not known
  7. Samskara
  8. Rocket Singh
  9. Anuranjan
The intertia weekend that was the best way to end January. Yes am very jobless ;-)
10.   Ishqia
11.   12 Angry Men
12.   Antaheen (Bengali movie with Rahul bose, Aparna Sen, Mrs Tagore, and such a simple tale. must watch)
13.    Chalo, Lets Go. (Another Bong movie, this is a must SKIP@#%#%)
14.    Frozen. (Danny of old fame in a black and white screenplay that makes you hold your breath)
15.    Thomas Crown Affair, rewatched it. remembered fav song- windmill of ur mind
16.    Revolutionary Road - bye bye dream of being a house wife
17.    Knocked up, like the OST of this one. and how huge do pregnant women get?

Male feminism

In 1973, women were granted the right to have abortions and choose to abort or carry a baby to term. One of the most fundamental legislations to be passed.

The focus however, was always on the women, and her right to choose. To keep, or not to keep. More often than not the man and his choices were deemed irrelevant. She retained the trump card.

But is it really fair?

Just this week, someone narrated a story, where a chance encounter lead to the women getting pregnant. She choose to keep the baby while permitting the man to not be involved in the process. There were no strings attached, no emotional blackmail, no force to be together for the sake of the baby etc etc.

The man did not want the child. Had never made any noise otherwise. Was clear and consistent in expressing the same. YET, he is now a father. A Father/son relationship; a life long bond has been created, that he must honour without his choice.

When this same man, saw the baby something within him shifted. He felt tender, warm, responsible. He felt like a father. End result, it demolished the existing relationships he had.

As a women cant seem to find an answer to this question? Is is FAIR that the choice to keep the child be only the womens? Even if she wants to be a single mother?

The man is doomed either way. If he walks away, he shall be labelled a jerk. Even though he has not betrayed her in any manner. If he stays, he may grow to resent being trapped, and eventually act like a Jerk

But then again is waiting for a mutual consent utopian? Or in a male dominated world maybe women should get to keep atleast this one trump card? What do you think??

Simply Complex

I hate all customer care centers. They manage to make my Blood Pressure rise in nano seconds and i find myself yelling for the manager each time. Think they train the managers to have smooth, "talk to me, I am Santa" kind of voices, because I am automatically politer when they come online. And No its not a gender thing. 

DEFINITELY Not the best start to the day. May the debit card be recovered, dispatched, couriered and received in one piece. Shall be a miracle if that happens. ;-) Of the fact that i am no longer working at that office is a minor matter

Saw New York New York yesterday night, not a patch on Paris, je t'aime,  but managed to capture the intimate moments of several relationships. Love, lust, longing, long term, strangers, painters muse, parents, first dates as teenagers, relationships in all its forms got covered.

Weirdly, since Dec'09 I got to see the underbelly and the fluff of relationships up close. 

On one hand 2 people decided to marry within hours of meeting each other, and are overjoyed with the decision. They are in love and having made a commitment, the acceptance levels are sky high.

Two close friends, after half a decade of "discovering the other, are finding it tough to have a conversation, without drawing out the samurai swords. The issue may be several but at the core, is a reluctance to accept that the other person has changed. 

A close pal got married, to an old sweetheart. She dotes on him and shall always treat him like the "man of the house" ......... he settled for contentment over adventure, saw long term potential over the short term thrill. Seems to be ok for now.. rest we dont know.

An elder man, a younger women. She looking for anchorage, he looking for someone to be there for, a year and more of time spent, and fights galore.. Another acquaintance, totally happy and in love with a girl, but cant seem to be attracted, someone else has washed her hands of an abusive husband, while another confident very "with it"  women, breaks down while dealing with the baggage of her bf having a child with someone else. 

These are real people. real relationships. Makes me think that Balaji telefilms are not that off the mark after all with their seemingly over the top dhamakdar serials. 

In all these relationships what stands out, is the absence of real conversations. There is so many layers of mistrust, mis communication, both parties dont want to hurt each other, yet the same exact event is interpreted to make a different story for each.

One couple went for a vacation. The man returned to state he had the time of his life, best vacation ever, the women, same trip, same moments, called the trip a NIGHTMARE. dying a slow executioners death is what she said, how does this even happen. 

Someone remarked recently. You know, the one thing that noone prepared me for is that people change. Over time, the entire set up of a relationship changes, yet the fairytale romances, the stories fed to you in movies dont show that.. Mills and Boons, the karan Johar insist of grey characters, but what happens when there is no villan, just the inner self wanting different things?

No real point to this post. Those who are not in a relationship, want to be in one. Miss the intimacy the sharing of it. Those who are in one, manage to develop a complex vocabulary to shun out each other, creating drama of simple things like turning on the TV.

We cant do without it, dont know what to do with it.

Think puppies are way easier to handle ;-) 

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Julie and Julia

One of the last movies that I saw in 2009 was Julie and Julia.

Its a simple story of how this women, Julie (i think) is content but restless in her drab NYC life and so decides to go on a one year mission. The mission is to cook some 370 odd recipes, one every single day come what may, for a period of one year. Proves to be tougher than she expected, what with buying the fancy ingredients, the time consuming non maggi cooking, the man, job, everyday issues ...etc. Yet she goes on and vala! one year later she is (i) a french cook (ii) a top 10 blogger and (iii) self empowered.. ok made the last one up..

So..I have decided to go on a J&J mission myself. Yes yes, am a copy cat.... but with a difference.. Am lazy.

My mission is that starting today 28th January, 2010. I am going to post one blog entry every single day. The idea is to notice, ponder, mull and have something to want to remember daily. As the year goes by and you look back there will be a journey of moments, silliness and anger all there to see.

Very self obsessive I guess. But hey so was the movie. She did the cooking for herself, not to please the husband and cater to his tastes, He only came in handy to kill the lobster once.

Excellent. So a pledge to me, once a day for a year. Who knows next year this time, which country, city or place I shall be blogging from....

Let the journey begin......

Gullible Blonde – episode 1

The name blonde brunette was coined for a very good reason. My life experiences make no sense most of the time. The only logical explanation can be the fact that I am blonde. An Indian Blonde, hence everything can and does happen in a manner that otherwise defies explanation.
Not making sense am I? Lets take an example. 
Hmmmmm simple situation, say your mobile phone has been stolen. What is the next step? Aaah duh! That’s a no brainer, search for said device, determine it has been gobbled up by the universe, block the Sim, the phone and get a new connection. Total action time – 2/3 hours.
Not if you live in my world! This is what happens on blond planet

Blond Brunette is pretending to be ultra chic on the Delhi Metro. Is going for the long coat, sun glasses in hair, engrossed in book, ignoring others look, the full on “cant be bothered with the common man, intellectual look”
The blonde limited attention span syndrome kicks in, compels her to check her phone and  the well rehearsed “glam-blam intellectual look” is replaced by……..”oh no! its gone! Gasping goldfish look
I frantically check my bag, the coat pockets, the jeans front pocket, the back pocket, shoes, socks,  shawl, seat, floor, palms, hair, everything. The surrounding passengers are trying hard to keep a straight face through all this. Nothing!! FUCKING HELL! Someone has stolen my mothers mobile!! Am so dead L
Showing bravery in adversity, I use my alternative Bangalore mobile to call and abuse any friend lame enough to answer the call.  Decide to be stoic, call N my rock of Gibraltar and weep bitterly about how my life is miserable, am a failure, the mobile is gone, and even the debit card has been lost.. boo hoo boo hooo.. I go on the middle of the road.
Anyway, moving along.  I called the lost mobile and after ages someone actually picked up.
Random man- eelloo…
Blonde- Bhaiya aap ke pass meri mummy kaa phone hai
Random Man- Accha, I shall return this to you, don’t worry.

And we proceed to set up a blind date, where the man has agreed to meet me below a water tank, on the buziest cross section of the Delhi roads, at 7 pm on a freezing evening. I am to look for someone wearing a red shirt, white cap and to make it easier he shall also carry a white cap in his hand!!

Dutifully the Blonde me, takes my dad to the aforementioned venue.
Damm it is right next to the army head quarter, no cars are permitted entry. We explain the situation to the rifle drawn guards, and the amused guards let us through.

Blonde is now below the tank. Shivering in the cold, she looks all over for RED SHIRT MAN. The phone is switched off. Left with no option, she is egged on by her father, to confront all shady looking men on the road and make polite enquires. While he  smokes in the warm car.

Shivering Blonde, flags down lonely cyclist. Frantically waves arms. Man stops. Blonde bounds up to him and enthusiastically asks…

Bhaiya Bhaiya, kya aap ke paas mera mobile hai?

The startled cyclist is amused, thinks he has met a ghost and pedals at super speed. Undeterred the Blonde asks man 2,3, 4, 5 and 6 the same question. Before ruefully shaking her head and admitting that she has been stood up by the Red shirted man ;-(

This story would have been funny had it ended here. Sadly from funny it derails into stupidity. 
Optimism surging in her viens, the blonde keeps calling the stolen number repeatedly.  WAIT! It rings, red shirt answers!
Red shirt -  Where the hell were you yesterday? I waited and waited. Do u know how cold it was.
Blonde- stutter, stutter. What do u mean you waited.. So did I . and you never came!!

Realizing that this was sounding like a lovers spat. They agreed to meet again. Same time, same shirt, same cap but to break the jinx different venue. Result , yup you guessed it.

Blonde went, Blonde waited, Blonde wept. Blonde never wore red again.
But sweet Blonde did not get the phone locked and let the random man, make use of the silly device

Did you know – 7645
The Universe likes people with optimism and hope. The next week, Blonde lost her wallet while wolfing down gol gappas. The kind Uni, made the gol gappa man store the wallet, till Blondie zoomed in 4 hours later, realizing her folly.
Not convinced of magical god like power, Blonde proceeded to drop her mobile while exiting the said zooming vehicle. Blissfully engaged in mindless shopping, returned to said zooming vehicle only to see quaint man standing and waiting for her near car. She smiled. She smiles at everyone, it’s a thing.

Quaint man, smiled, reached behind his back and asked her if this belonged to her. “this” was her mobile. Blonde now loves and thanks the universe everyday


Puppy Love

Puppy love
Its 1 am, snuggled in my blanket, I watch her sleep. Resting against my chest, her rhythmic soft breath warms my neck.  Eyes closed, her snug body is so tiny in my palms. Cant stop touching her, holding her, gazing at her. And yet, know what I am feeling is not about her at all…. She fidgets, stretches, with her eyes closed, scrounges for a warmer spot, sighs and enters her dream world; again. 

My phone rings, I take the call and all I can utter, over and over again is.. …. I want a baby, now.. I do.
“her” is not a lover, nor is it a baby. It’s the newest guest entry to my apartment, a chottu mottu puppy.  
Out of nowhere, she lurched in front of ND’s (my roommates) bike late last night, and from there has proceeded to completely rule every waking moment of my life.  Sure they are cute, cuddly etc etc but one forgets the PH.D’s they have in emotional blackmailing, stubbornness and the perfection in the “What me? Never !!!” look

She is the master of the house. No questions asked. The new rules are

  •         The bed is hers, and is the blanket. Sleeping conditions include hugging the person on the bed, if denied whine, bite, gnaw and last resort stomp over the person as a airplane tarmac, till they relent
  •         Must meet sun at 5.30 am. To wake person, walk on chest, find warm spot on neck and proceed to nibble. If flung off the bed, be patient and persistent, repeat the walk and now BITE the chin
  •         Pee on the bed, or a bright rug. Floors are not meant for such deeds.
  •          When left alone – WHINE LOUDLY, it always gets you what you want.

And remember the only reason you can get away with all of the above, is because you know that you are darn cute! So one of those.. I am sorry looks, is enough to be petted and tucked back into bed.
……… The silly little thing has me wrapped around her fingers. Feel all mushy around her, and much as I crib, love being woken up by a furry ball in the morning, or have something tiny beside me as I sleep at night.. hate to admit it but when she suckles my finger in desperation my heart only goes… aaawww ;-)

As my mother would say, the clock is ticking ……. Tick tock.. .YUCK! Babies No Way! Freedom killers, chain of life, cant travel cant do this or that………the list is endless, this is what everyone gets to hear. But in my heart of hearts, I know, between a kick ass career or a little baby sleeping on me, will choose the latter. Damn u womenhood!