Thursday, January 28, 2010

Gullible Blonde – episode 1

The name blonde brunette was coined for a very good reason. My life experiences make no sense most of the time. The only logical explanation can be the fact that I am blonde. An Indian Blonde, hence everything can and does happen in a manner that otherwise defies explanation.
Not making sense am I? Lets take an example. 
Hmmmmm simple situation, say your mobile phone has been stolen. What is the next step? Aaah duh! That’s a no brainer, search for said device, determine it has been gobbled up by the universe, block the Sim, the phone and get a new connection. Total action time – 2/3 hours.
Not if you live in my world! This is what happens on blond planet

Blond Brunette is pretending to be ultra chic on the Delhi Metro. Is going for the long coat, sun glasses in hair, engrossed in book, ignoring others look, the full on “cant be bothered with the common man, intellectual look”
The blonde limited attention span syndrome kicks in, compels her to check her phone and  the well rehearsed “glam-blam intellectual look” is replaced by……..”oh no! its gone! Gasping goldfish look
I frantically check my bag, the coat pockets, the jeans front pocket, the back pocket, shoes, socks,  shawl, seat, floor, palms, hair, everything. The surrounding passengers are trying hard to keep a straight face through all this. Nothing!! FUCKING HELL! Someone has stolen my mothers mobile!! Am so dead L
Showing bravery in adversity, I use my alternative Bangalore mobile to call and abuse any friend lame enough to answer the call.  Decide to be stoic, call N my rock of Gibraltar and weep bitterly about how my life is miserable, am a failure, the mobile is gone, and even the debit card has been lost.. boo hoo boo hooo.. I go on the middle of the road.
Anyway, moving along.  I called the lost mobile and after ages someone actually picked up.
Random man- eelloo…
Blonde- Bhaiya aap ke pass meri mummy kaa phone hai
Random Man- Accha, I shall return this to you, don’t worry.

And we proceed to set up a blind date, where the man has agreed to meet me below a water tank, on the buziest cross section of the Delhi roads, at 7 pm on a freezing evening. I am to look for someone wearing a red shirt, white cap and to make it easier he shall also carry a white cap in his hand!!

Dutifully the Blonde me, takes my dad to the aforementioned venue.
Damm it is right next to the army head quarter, no cars are permitted entry. We explain the situation to the rifle drawn guards, and the amused guards let us through.

Blonde is now below the tank. Shivering in the cold, she looks all over for RED SHIRT MAN. The phone is switched off. Left with no option, she is egged on by her father, to confront all shady looking men on the road and make polite enquires. While he  smokes in the warm car.

Shivering Blonde, flags down lonely cyclist. Frantically waves arms. Man stops. Blonde bounds up to him and enthusiastically asks…

Bhaiya Bhaiya, kya aap ke paas mera mobile hai?

The startled cyclist is amused, thinks he has met a ghost and pedals at super speed. Undeterred the Blonde asks man 2,3, 4, 5 and 6 the same question. Before ruefully shaking her head and admitting that she has been stood up by the Red shirted man ;-(

This story would have been funny had it ended here. Sadly from funny it derails into stupidity. 
Optimism surging in her viens, the blonde keeps calling the stolen number repeatedly.  WAIT! It rings, red shirt answers!
Red shirt -  Where the hell were you yesterday? I waited and waited. Do u know how cold it was.
Blonde- stutter, stutter. What do u mean you waited.. So did I . and you never came!!

Realizing that this was sounding like a lovers spat. They agreed to meet again. Same time, same shirt, same cap but to break the jinx different venue. Result , yup you guessed it.

Blonde went, Blonde waited, Blonde wept. Blonde never wore red again.
But sweet Blonde did not get the phone locked and let the random man, make use of the silly device

Did you know – 7645
The Universe likes people with optimism and hope. The next week, Blonde lost her wallet while wolfing down gol gappas. The kind Uni, made the gol gappa man store the wallet, till Blondie zoomed in 4 hours later, realizing her folly.
Not convinced of magical god like power, Blonde proceeded to drop her mobile while exiting the said zooming vehicle. Blissfully engaged in mindless shopping, returned to said zooming vehicle only to see quaint man standing and waiting for her near car. She smiled. She smiles at everyone, it’s a thing.

Quaint man, smiled, reached behind his back and asked her if this belonged to her. “this” was her mobile. Blonde now loves and thanks the universe everyday