Yesterday was a very disturbing day. My bubble was pricked and poked until it resembled a deflated balloon, that still is floating listlessly on the ceiling, not yet ready to surrender to gravity and not energized enough to soar into the skies. Reality comes and bites. Always. Bitch.
Spoke a lot to Mr. X who has just broken up, compelled me to think of what and how we choose a mate.
Without sounding cocky, I consider myself to be a modern women wanting the stability of a long term relationship (am staying away from the term marriage as it gets too many additional colourings), who has a hosts of varied interest, has managed to make a life choices that permit her a flexibility, financial well being and yet not be trapped in the corporate routine. Genetically restless and explorative ensures there are a host of things that one wants to experience and do.
The above is a HUGE PROBLEM!
Reasons. When it comes to choosing some one to be that long term partner the check list people like us, read as unconventional people create is mind boggling.
Checklist item one----- Personality match.
The person must be interesting, witty, core being a a good person, gentle yet aggressive, go getter, achiever and passionate about living a full life. The last one gets detailed into.
(i) wanting more from life than money and security
(ii) curiosity about exploring the unknown
(iii) drive to make his/her dreams come true
Checklist item 2--- Practical issues
The basics to be considered here are, financial well being, attitude towards life, family background, success got or not, education, culture and the differences, food, music, travelling styles. the HOW the person wants to live life.
So if his idea of a good day, is work and then a beer and thats perfect and yours is work, walk, no beer, conversation, a late night drive, then there is a problem. How are you keen to spend your time.
Checklist 3.-- Interests and Work
What defines you are these that you choose. As you enter a persons house the "who they are" should yell out from the walls. their space reflects what you are stepping into. What you choose to inculcate as hobbies, if any at all tells the other, about what drives you.
The work the person does, is the next indicator. Because that is where they shall spend 76% of their time and it rubs of on what they think of, the people they are surrounded with and the attitude, conversation, wit that comes up. ....... Not to mention the impact on the social circle u belong to. And Friends and Family define us much more than we care to admit.
Phew. this is the checklist. That we never physically carry but are constantly tallying people against.
Over the past few weeks there has been something new brewing. The candy floss land was beautiful, but the subconscious mind more wary than the monkey brain. With each interaction, the crafty sub-conscious would pick up a nugget of data and store it in the belly.
small things, the way you order the waiter in the resteraunt, how to address the cook, what do you do in stressful scenes, how is your house done up, what do u want to do on the weekend. Tiny snippets were taken and filed against the cluttered checklist that exists there.
Mulling over the list, the gut then gives me an answer. The mind and heart refuse to accept it and the tussle begins. You see the silly sub fellow is driven by perfection and forgets that finding someone who can be at a point of time
Your friend, your lover, your partner, your inspiration to live and drive u to succeed, your companion, your hobby does, your fitness guru, your spiritual founder is impossible.
Because deep down the gut believes everything is possible.
I know some people have a very different take on relationships. KR a pal in Chennai looking for an arranged marriage said - it does not matter, there are issues with whoever u marry so as long as the person is not mentally challenged its fine. hmmm well i wish i had that simplicity.
The unconventional people seem to carry mini helicopters and an uncanny ability to tie urself up in knots. But really which of these criteria's do you drop? Which one do you then kick your self 10 years down the line for knowing but choosing to label it as "imperfections"?
Having said all that, if you are in love! Deep Deep sweeping love, the above checklist gets swept out of the window and you have only retarded smiles. The list creeps back, little by little with time, but atleast by then your decision has already been made.
For now. reality is an unwelcome visitor
Bubble less Blondie