Friday, April 9, 2010

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.


Enough I have had more than freaking enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For today I have been pushed enough to want to give all this freaking freedom up and become the most powerful rat in the rat place. I want it all..from the most basic things to the most luxurious things.
To start with this is my wish list. The irony is that in most places this should be a given and wishes should be things like a 500 hour spa not the ones that are going to show face here.
I want….
-           power back up and with this beautiful thing, ‘internet’, a fan and maybe an airconditioned place to work
-           laptop backup for 600 hours and a mobile battery that never dies
-           a secretary who never leaves and handles everything from my cheque books (that have already been misplaced) arranging for cars and paying bills and handling everything from tickets to print outs
-           MONEY tons of it to throw around and be able to get an invertor, buy a hill house so that I can escape the heat       
-           the ability to block the SUN!! stop the freaking heat now………

India or more appropriately Bangalore and me are on a war path today. Wake up to NO POWER sleep with NO POWER.

he STUPID Chief minister, grins from the news paper in an advertisement and tells me happily that OOOPSIE MOMENT is here.. please sulpa (means “little” in native speech here) adjust marri (native for u loser, shove this up ur ass too) there is no change for ur laptop obsessed urban geeks because we sent all ur power to the farmers.

Everyone speaks this silly language and no one seems inclined to make a move and take some action. The landlord does not know power back up, the tattoos that he has are KINGS of mumble when facing an angry women and hope she goes away.

You get out to see some office spaces where u can hopefully get some power back up , there are 8 people lined up to show u three houses, none of which have the keys and all of whom have mobiles that they use to keep yelling at other unknown ugly faces and getting nowhere……….

Compound this with a hot sun. Men who refuse to look a women in the eye when conducting a commercial dealing, the noisy drone of generators and the passive attitude of the middle men. The one category of people that effortlessly manage to get my goat every single time, are the deadpan logic deprived security guards, agents, brokers, bank tellers, who seem to know one and only one language…..

No madam cant do madam
Yes yes seri serri, one moment madam, you sit madam. ……… only to hear 23 excruciating minutes later… sorry madam… Gotila madam….. tomm u come, yes yes promise madam…. Think ur nostrils are going to burst madam… etc etc etc

Feel like taking their necks and twisting it; so bad that it contorts into shapes made by the balloon guys who sell inflated giraffes and monkeys….

For a city that is supposed to be the software and IT hotbed, the government is struggling to get power, water and roadways right. Call me an escapist but it is the desire not to structure my life around the time the water shall be supplied, or the electricity scheduled cut to send mails, to dealing with elastic time and taking 24353456695700 years to make a freaking decision that is not life threatening….

Get on with it will you. Say yes say no, make a decision and move with it. ARRGGHH@#%#@%
AND IF U MAKE A DECISION THEN STICK TO IT!!! THE DATES FOR THIS ONE EVENT HAVE CHANGED TRIPILE ZILLION TIMES!!!! 

Anyway, that’s it I want the trappings of money and luxury. Want power suits and music changing switches on the steering wheel. Want a place where I can take things for granted. Things like printers, power, coffee maybe or chilled water. Am done setting up offices and negotiating with vendors for supplying UPS systems.

Want to breeze into work and feel AIR CONDITIONING. AND FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE BLORE WEATHER DOES NOT NEED ONE..  COME AND LIVE HERE!! Go and get a coffee from the jar, have some colleagues get internet at laser speeds, take 3456 print outs of Dilbert for no reason, play with the plant in the corner and have power meetings on the leather couch in the room that has a sink in feel, not to mention the table lamp that is elegant, the slide out bar, the TV cum GPS system, the fancy ink pen embossed with some funky saying and the personal foot massager below the desk.

YES of course I shall hate all that within 3 weeks of getting it and feel like a boxed panther in a circus ring. But I want AIR CON and a buzzer for the secy and lunch meetings at the Golf resort and Blackberry things and International business class tickets sitting on my desk when I return from the power yoga class taken with the CEO of SantaRicher.com who has agreed to sponsor our flagship school ;-)

Like I said today is just not the day to be a freelancer……

In all this there is one glimmer of gratitude, that keeps me rooted in this city. No it is not the weather, the traitor has fallen in love with the Delhi summer. It is the work that we are getting to do. That is incredible. Slow moving but interesting. Did I say slow moving? Make that inert. Like stoned crocodiles.

Tonight as my face hits the bed – I shall thank 2 people. The person who made ac’s and the one who made electricity… in homage I bow to ur greatness. Ok maybe the inverter fellow also..  no one else!