Thursday, April 8, 2010

before its too late



The ripples of Mr. vivacious death are expanding ever so gently. 

I did not know Mr. Vivacious very well. Met him 2-3 times, but in Bangalore, he was someone who almost everyone had known, met, spoken to had a memory associated with. You know there are some people who just have a knack for being ALIVE, mad alive, uninhibitedly alive and he was one of them....

remember at a costume party years back, where he turned up in Swimming shorts, with underwater glasses in hideous green and flippers from diving and strutted around displaying the increasing and decreasing erection with aplomb! in your face ALIVE! this is what i remember of him.

and now he is gone. 

and gone how? sitting by a creek enjoying the water flow and then just slipping, thats it. Nothing life altering was being tried, one of those inexplainable moments that come and change everything. 

Was talking to someone about how sudden deaths are so much harder to accept. You feel cheated, because there was so much that you needed to state, to share, to tell, to treasure, how you never got the chance to tell them how much and how deeply you truly loved them. How you were busy, answering the call, getting the presentation ready and managing to keep the blackberry up and running and assumed that the other person, absorbed that it was somehow all connected to how much you loved them. 

Mr. vivacious was not even in India when he died. Was sitting in another country..........
his best friend took it upon himself to fly him and get him back. 
must have been the longest flight to ever be on
and can only imagine the memories that would have marched by him, assaulting him with treasured moments .. precious fleeting moments of being alive. Memories that you were not even aware you were creating when you were making them....

Did I take enough chances? Live a lived life?.......hmm there is more to do lots and lots more, but I have loved … fully loved, and lost and loved foolishly again… have been fired, hired, laid off and resigned, have changed myself, and retained relationships… sluggish maybe, but there has been some living done….

Cant get over the sitting by the creek and falling in --------- to die bit
its too simple to be true
it scary because it could be me or worse, you

Of all people, Ronan Keating pops into my mind with the line
" if tommorrow never comes, will she know how much i loved her?"

No I am not dying, not that I know of atleast. Nor am I suicidal. But it seems completely unnecessary for me to wait for either of the two events to occur before reaching out to tell the people that matter to me that they matter to me.

Its is important for them to know how often, I just sit and they pop in my head, making me smile with some antic some story
How often, I fill my diary thanking them for being there, for the fact that we chatted yesterday
For the friendship they offer, the slaps they give
For being who each of them are.

If you have got this mail and wanted to KILL me for being  A SAPPIER VERSION of even BOYZONE! If that is possible
Then you matter to me
Kill me now…

But remember Jesus loves u!