Thursday, April 15, 2010

helicoptering again

Male Monica had devised a term for my ability to spin an intricate web of confusion and chaos in my mind, based on a 100000 permutations and combinations of "but what", "if then" "if not" " i want:" " should live like this" ...."what if" and the "disillusionment with the present"

When these moments would strike, it would be accompanied with a strong dose of apathy. Apathy towards the present as it was, and failure to accept that this present was my life too. So caught up would one be in imagination a better future and living there, that the immediate present would be sent packing to the oldest trunk in the storage room. 

Would see the wisdom in "embracing the present" and letting go of the future, but have a tough time in maintaining a balance between a visualise what you want, live in harmony with it and then let the present be. If i began visualizing the future the present was almost always seen scrambling to catch up. 

Shall stop going round the mulberry tree of my life and face facts today of reality as is. Accept that as is and from there proceed to where one wants to be. 

Taking stock it is called. 

Work-wise.---- Need to get my act together, there is lots of promise in the air of this and that. but in the every day not enough to do. I need to get 
  • more work hence more money
  • use the law degree
  • get an office space
  • close open loops
Dead line - End of April. By then have initiated 5 new conversations. Got 1 retainer and 1 legal source of income. Net Bankable income to increase from current by at least 50% more. 

Fitness:  Hmm this is looking up and the body seems to be reacting well to the demands being made of it.

Spiritual -- ZERO ... Pathetic but there is no yoga, no meditation no blanket of the mind being created and time is not an excuse, come Monday i am going to join the early morning classes and stop looking for reasons not to go for them. .. the Kriya the wonderful escasty of Sadhguru is to be felt again and letting the vibration sail me towards that which i want rather than pushing furiously against the tide. 

Its the inbetween stage of not being able to give up half of what i have-- and not being content without attaining the half that is missing!

MBA---Please dear lord, please let one big penny of luck fall into my lap. There have been enough rocks thrown in the path and enough picking up that has happened at a constant rate for 2 years. For once, even if it may be not the best fit, can you throw me an easter gift and get this one to come through. What i shall do with it is secondary but for me being me, can this one please please please please be a positive!

Think i deserve some slack.. would u agree? 

Today is dedicated to getting the pace of the uncertain career to gather momentum. Time to narrow focus. Take some decisions and get the Indian timelines to adhere to mine. 

Wish me luck.