Friday, April 23, 2010

straight from the heart

I don’t have anything to write about today.  There is a lot to state and share but there is a feeling of digging a layer deeper and not writing about any of the trivia of this happened and that happened and guess what she said….. Fluff.

The last 24 hours as far as fluff is concerned has been very productive, new fluff has been accumulated that shall be dealt with, monies made and for these gifts that seem to come from the universe I am grateful. Very very grateful. It seems to me that there is something deeper at play here, a little playful nudge like a mother would give to her child as he stood waiting at the entrance of the play ground.

In a nut shell, work is looking up and that makes me feel secure. There is drama in the personal life and that makes me dreamy. So all things said there is a tingling sense of relief and gratitude. Am crossing half my body parts as I even write this, petrified of jinxing even the tiniest bit of this turn around.

Today I want to go back to where this all started from.  The patience, endurance and the stamina to not give up came from an unquestionable belief in the manifestation of possibilities. Stated like that it sounds BULL SHIT.. yea roll your eyes now .. lord not again kind of a thing is the immediate reaction. But for me its been a magic wand that is hopelessly slow but works always. Not exactly as u thought, but there is wisdom in the new direction too.

This belief is ingrained at such a cellular level that after a while there is an internal craving to return to the silence of the soul. The centering needs to be revisited. For no reason but because it is there, waiting for its turn to get attention from all the external goings on that consume instant attention.

Was walking with GR yesterday, and he ticked me off for letting this side remain a flirtatious pursuit. Intellectual masturbation was not what this was about. It was a Sadhana, something that you did without fail because u wanted to not because you had to.

He told me about his guru, someone who every year went to pray to this Shiva Lingam deep in the interiors of a jungle where the only other visitors were serpents. Cobras. King Cobras the wild ones. His guru along with his disciplines would enter to pray to the lingam and return unscathed.  Faith or Hypnosis??

Or person 2, who donated all his savings to the Tirupati temple and left it to god to provide the three things he wants, a place to stay, the ability to come for Darshan and the healthy old age. He got all three along with the discipline of sadhana to get higher stronger in his intention to attain the divine.

Mr. X called yesterday.  He is not a friend, and in fact was recently put in the “maybe a slime ball” bucket for certain reasons. His issue he could  not sleep for days, tests did not help, doctors merely said sleep son there is nothing amiss. … but try as he might he cant. His brain does not empty out, at all. So then there was no option but to let meditation calm him down and like all consultants he went shopping to the various ashrams to see what his needs were.

I laughed. If only an ashram could fix this in 3 days. If only it did not need self work but Om 1, Om 2 and Om 3… if only the mind was not that big a monkey… if only shanti was found in substances then we would not be this lost.

Miss X called this morning, asking about EFT and what that did or did not do. She was lost, post the breakup of a relationship and needed solutions for the doubts and questions that plagued her.  Was wondering if Vipasana was the route or EFT, where was she to be found.

Spoke to her, came off sounding very Zen. She asked me then, what do u do when u are mind fucked. I smiled and said I slept.

The wisdom in knowing and the discipline in doing are poles apart.  Mom, is my guru, she gets up and does. The 2-3 things that make sense to her are done day in and day out, and the rest matters little because unlike me and lots of others she lives her life from direct experience.

I know you have ur own practice. The one thing, something that you do. I have known sworn skeptics who found this trace of peace in chanting with a mala, or simply stretching the body out, in breathing with consciousness, or maybe meditating.

 Whatever the form or format, I believe we each have a way of connecting with us that works for us. That does not involve external substances or crutches.  For me its time to return there, to thank it for getting me here, and for remembering the silence that is epic to all this drama.

Om shanti shanti shanthihi