Tuesday, June 22, 2010

yucky confrontations

I hate confrontations. I really really suck at being able to call a spade a spade because for me I fear that if I say something that is not nice, rude, blunt or too frank then the person shall hate me and my life shall be miserable because the person is not in love/like/equanimity with me anymore. 

This constant need to have the world be peaceful around me, makes it nearly impossible for me to raise my concerns and say things as they are. Resulting in not having the freaking balls to yell and tell people exactly what i think is not right or is right and hide behind convoluted conversations. 

Let me give you an example. 
  • Boss agrees to pay a sum X, then dithers and says mid way, maybe not the best idea so i dont want to pay u X, but I may be willing to pay you Y, then dithers again and says actually I dont want to pay you Y. My response to the above usually is  to hide in a corner and not have any answer one way or the other and have a gentle conversation about it.
  • or even worse, say if someone sends me a nasty email. - would not have a scathing reply but ignore it
  • The roommate and the cook have a fight monthly - i have had none.. ditto with the maid; have made a point and all that once in while but that is all and then backed off.. 
  • dad did something that i did not agree with. have not bought it up. dont think i shall also. 
  • running or hiding is better than a head on fight..... such is the lamness that is part of my DNA
Not the best strategy to adopt. takes longer to resolve issues, you end up getting pushed around and react very personally to feedback that may have been about an complete objective matter at hand. Bottom line- a confrontation, polite and diplomatic one, not necessarily rude and accusatory is a tool that is worthwhile keeping in the arsenal

hahahaa. as wise as i sound; know the natural instinct the  next time there is a situation that demands a confrontation i shall hide! loser!