Thursday, October 21, 2010

blankness

Its one of those non inspiring days, there is a lot to do and a lot to attain but the drive is sort of missing, i wonder what i shall muse about?

The plight of the educated indians? the sham of the paper colleges? the CWG and the investigations? the gujjar marriages, the 210 tonnes of drugs found in mexico? the feeling of corruption in my state government and the entire spectrum of disillusionment....naaah! that is too depressing

Here is another thread instead!

a story for the day.

Madhu sat wondering why he had been called in to office of the madam bitch, she was in a growling mood the moment she had entered office, must have been one of the maid not coming in the morning days because venom was dripping from her pores


and he was the unlucky one to bump into her. meet me in 2 minutes she growled. 


He knocked, timidly


Come in already, she snarled


He entered. She fumed. In 3 minutes flat she had destroyed his life as he knew it. For no reason she had given him a choice, to change his behaviour, grovel, apologise, decide to eat shame cake or to quit. At 30 and after spending so much time in this company this is not what we expected


anger bubbled in him, hatred and animosity. his normal moderate stance at events jostled for rationality and acceptance. Only him. only today, no reason. Why? his insides yelled..


he thought of his wife, the holiday he had promised her just this morning, the car that was three months old and the emis pending, the lavish plans made for new years, the uncertainity looming and how ill prepared he was for the rug below his feet being pulled like this


tears crept up unasked. Angry at his eyes, he rubbed them. making them yeild even more tears. Not wanting to be spotted like this, we slipped out of his office, switched off his phone was walked


Was a hot day, the unrelenting sun playing havoc with his mind. the park came around the corner and aimlessly he sauntered inside. 11am in a park. this had not happened in ages. he sat there and knew he should be thinking, stratergizing, planning but for some reason his mind was a blank. 


nothing came but the same thought, am fired. i am fired. it is real, it has happened to me, i of all people am fired, i am a failure, a incompotent fool, the chain of thoughts went over and over and over in his head repeating like a mantra that was god given


A sparrow came and hopped near the bench. timidly making a move towards some stale bread morsels lying on the ground. one hop, and a step back. one more hop and a step back. the distance of 2 feet took her about 7 minutes to get the courage to cover.


he sat there mesmerised. this is me isnt it. making one move that takes me to a level and then retreating, a circlular player in my own life, a dancer without a stage


a loud sigh escaped him as he sat and not knowing what else to do, got on to his bike, drove to the closest temple. set aside his slippers, moved to the most isolated pillar and sat there with his eyes closed


Peace and silence
mumbling of the bells.
old ladies praying for sons weddings, and promotions, 
young brides accompanying them holding the prayer plate as, they quickly slipped in a prayer of their own


he was not alone, others had fears and worries too
there was a god, there was a continuum
in the infinity of life, everything was whole and complete


Quieter and calmer, he left. Switched on the cell, saw the messages from concerned colleagues. Sigh! so the news was already all over the grape vine. He did not want to meet them, did not want the sympathetic looks and the pats that said it would be ok, life is shit but something happens for a reason and all that bollocks


not today, not now.


he straightened up. 12 am. the whole day was his, no emails nothing, The crisis management could wait for the now he wanted to live the day without any worried without any fear, to be alive, is what he needed most


Hmmmm so what does a free man do in a city he wondered? see a movie? nah.. lame, call friends.. nope everyone is at work? walk? too hot..... coffee ? alone.. made no sense!... 


Then?


He sat on his bike and drove. Drove without a plan, drove with music in his ears, drove till the highway called, drove till he saw he had come to his favourite lake. parked. got off stripped his clothes and dove in


Bliss, the sun, the water, the divine feeling of being alone in the middle of the day. He laughed as he splashed water around himself. Pretending to be a abandoned sailor in the middle of the sea.. Imagination! it is so good to talk to you again ;-)


He laughed at himself, feeling lighter. 
dove in head first, swam below water
waved to the amused kids standing by the edge and called them in.
They ran off and came back, holding his clothes threatening to steal them


he chased them, they laughed and ran faster, everyone landing up in one merry mess by the side of the fields, the cows mooed and for that one moment..... he knew it would all be all right


Life would flow, the answers would come, he was free and alive.