Friday, October 1, 2010

29th September 2010

Its good to land in Bangalore and come to work, have a routine. These were the thoughts that came into my head as I landed.

The next thoughts, were even more of a jumble. I suddenly realized that I did not have any city anywhere that I associated strongly with. In Delhi, I felt at home but felt like I was passing through, in Blore - I knew it was home, but also knew that I did not quite fit in, was not a true blood belonging there person, in Kolkata, the old world charm was appealing but the slowness, the quaintness and the babu attitude seemed to override any desire to be there. The north east is baffling, south language barricaded, north - technically home but since i am not the conventional alloo paratha you remain a fringe dweller. so where then is home?

did not know.
did not seem to matter
all i knew was that atleast within India the skin tone let u hide or slip in unnoticed and no one questioned you anymore

As I sat once more in a bus, I saw myself becoming the agitated bitchy traveler. Was angry as the bus being 45 minutes late, at the conductors refusal to store my bags in the luggage dump, at his insistence that I have the curtain drawn around me, the loud blaring music from the first stop, the beeping of the horn, every little thing of the ride was making me holler from inside.

Realised then that I was fighting the impossible.. you cant fight india, you have to allow it to flow, for things to go wrong and when once in a way they fall into place all by themselves one can only be amused and not take that as the new standard

But as I mentally worked myself to accept this reality. A sense of anger at this state of affairs became stronger n stronger. Sri Lanka manages to remain clean., it just came out of a civil war. Ditto for Indonesia, Singapore, Thailand, Malaysia., what do we lack that makes us so "agreeable" to low standards of hygiene? or just laziness in delivery?

Someone said it is because we lack leaders, and so have always remained leaderless, directionless, spreading laterally. maybe that is it.

There is a need to defer, to bow down to respect not the person but the chair.
wonder where that came from
interesting is all i think that is
and a great thing to change too