Thursday, November 18, 2010

fanning the embers of friendship

Last year around this time, my best friend sent me a letter. It was ironical because she lived less than a kilometer away from my house, but she decided that what she needed to say was too deep to be sent over an email or just blurted out over the phone.

That time I read the letter, understood it but it is only today that it sank in. As I stand at the same threshold, feeling the same vaccuum, the depth of appreciation for what she shared is more real.

Dont have the letter with me right now, but the extracts of what she said was:

There are more friends on my facebook than days in the year, there are a greater number of people on the phonebook, yet somehow when one needed a friend to simple be with, be around from the lists of people around there seemed no-one there to call. 


Law of diminishing marginal utility:


As children, we spent no time thinking about how to make friends, there was no conscious investment of time and energy, everyone just was there to laugh and cry and if someone was not coming down, a collective yelling below the staircase would compell them to appear ;-)

With the passage of years, the friends became fewer, time investment higher and the mindless easy moments orchestrated sessions that needed to be carefully planned juggling complex schedules and commitments...hence the law of diminishing marginal utility

Time spent on orgn a session to having fun - increased rapidly
time spent actually being together- decreased rapidly

as I stand now, I realize that the childhood years have rewarded me well. Soul sisters, soul friend remain scattered across the globe. Friends whom I merely have to contact and can pour my heart out, friends that shall be there at a time of crisis, non judgemental, supportive and real.

Friends whom I call home.

But sadly, it is not everyday that you have a crisis or need a heart to heart. On most days you just need a someone to have a laugh with, maybe head for a walk, sit on a bench and yap about the little inconsequential moments of life... someone who knows that for this week the biggest thing u are stressing about is not Iraq or the War, but much simpler getting the presentation right for the big meeting... someone, u can call and make a random plan to meet for a beer, with legs perched on the balcony railing watching the rain come in and laugh about how the day went.

Loserly though the above sounds, I find solace that this situation is not mine alone. Irrespective of geography, almost everyone I know is in a similar boat. Everyone, seems to have at some point or the other stood on the shore, and waved a hanky to friends who have departed into the isolated worlds of marriage, demanding jobs, higher education or simply other cities. 

Wiped their tears and gone back to building new ties.

A strange thing though is how when one relocates, the 'newness' is enough of a momentum to find new places and avenue. One is more open to doing and discovering alone, and in the course of this discovery finds some new faces to call home

Comfort in a city, breeds for contentment and instills a sense of reluctance in gathering up the energy to do new. ALONE...


Despite having a few avenues, and interesting ones of things to pursue I shamelessly find myself looking once more at the phone list, wondering hoping that someone, anyone would want to come along for the next concert or the next film.

I dont have an end yet to this. what i do have is belief and hope
belief that if you want to make a change, you can
your thoughts choose your actions, so think well
and i think of being in a cess pool of friendship :-)