- had dinner with a couple on the verge of splitting
- attended a wedding, so met a couple on the start of a journey
- luncheon with another who had filed her divorce papers, and
- today a friend who recently got married and was home for the "first diwali"
Each of these were love marriages, undertaken with years of getting to know the other person and with open eyes and ears. The success ratio has been well- one is to one!
As I sat with the last person on the list this afternoon, I suddenly got the creeps. The conversation was scary, very very scary. Why? because it was so very mundane... small ...
Let me explain.
We were meeting after a while, and we gave a generic update. As we swapped stories, another person joined us .........and with his addition the REALITIES of the 30's came marching in uninvited.
They spoke about house emi's.
Running away from bosses, to goa with cousins for a break- todrink n smoke
babies and maternity leave
changing jobs-- not careers, not chasing a dream, just moving setups
It reeked of everyday life. It reeked of acceptance and chugging along. The 30's suddenly seemed here to stay. As I walked her to the car, where yet another COUPLE was waiting, the jeans clad girl i knew in May, replaced by a salwar kameez, mangasultra wearing, husband totting creature....I wondered to myself
Did I want to belong to this circle?
For the next decade, did the biggest worries in my life seemed destined to be dentist appointments and the admissions into the appropriate schools?
Did wanting to build a home or maybe a house, imply that there was no larger goal to pursue.
Passion was missing. Is missing. And i am a hypocrite beyond belief because at the end of the day... at this point of time I am one of them. The Chuggers!
At this very same location.... there were some very interesting art pieces on display. Dried flowers made to depict a setting sun, or just small flowers arranged to depict explosion. I leaned in to read the artists name.. and smiled.. I knew the artist. He was a close friend. He was intense, mad, passionate, riding his cycle with his thoughts keeping him company.
There were those people that existed too. the dreamers. and somehow in connecting with the both the dreamers and chuggers I sat in between.......hanging in animated suspense to know which path I would lead.
Please god. Give me the courage, the clarity and the opportunity not to become a CHUGGER