diwali night

Have you ever had those days, where u look forward to something and when it is there in front of you, you sort of wonder what the fuss was about.

Diwali was i am ashamed to say sort of like that.
I am a Monica!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have become a cow kind of a women, where I think I derive more pleasure from the organizing of an event that being in one... Shocking this revelation is to me.

See, for a long time Diwali was about gambling the night away. Teen Patti a skill of lying, keeping your calm, calculated risk, thumping moments where you wonder if you are going to win or not.. was how the nights were spent. Well that is exactly what we created and got. The gang was there, the cards being slid on a specially made black jack table and the stakes enough to rivet you.

And where was i??

sleeping, sitting or serving. 
out of choice!!!!!!!

For some reason, I refused to let myself gamble. The rationale that I gave myself was I did not have money- lame could have borrowed, the stakes are too high- lame again its a mindset, there was a person there who was being sort of aggressive, -- possible but come on its my loss if i let someone stop me from having fun..

So what was the fucking reason??

Crap as it sounds, dont have one. Maybe I am a pseudo intellectual who suddenly wanted to deep meaning in everything, CRAP again. I am a believer in SILLINESS!!!! and so I am a WUZ! and that is is.. Blondie it a silly silly goose, who just at the wrong time and place decided to go into the retreat and withdraw mode... Smart aint i??

LOSER!