spinning around

Yesterday was one of the days that u hate, just when you have set yourself in 5th gear and are cruising along, up comes a breaker that you never saw. The gear box goes kaput and the next destination that you imagined a wishful dream land away...

Went through the usual rounds of oh no not again, why me, this sucks, now what, where am i headed and why etc etc etc, the circle of internal dialogue's coupled with chewing some peoples head endlessly resulted in some clarity and some wisdom.

It made me do one thing new, open my eyes to being a corporate person again, not be that closed that shuttered about this choice. There are 2 ways to live life

A.  You make your dreams and conditions and do all that it takes to make them, work. You plan, strategize, make 5 year goals and work towards making them come true. Its a good way, not the worst way at all, but then everything gets all boxed down and set. Maybe that is the reason i never really, liked the corporate life for the structure it gets though i can see the value of it

B. the other way is the one of going with the flow, the one where you have a plan a hazy idea of the reason u are doing what u are doing, that it is the stepping stone to the next move, but u are open to looking at step 2 and step 3 as well, where basically though there is a basic structure there is a free flow to discovering the new

Am stuck between the two. Think the time has come to make the move to not be that fluid or to give fluidity structure. Tried to make a comprehensive plan for 5 years from now, but ended up tying myself in knots.

Prefer the jugglers trick of the two.. all this spinning around in circles over and over again. Make a call, stop free lancing, get a proper job, make a nest egg, doing anything and then move up the ladder, but you want to be abroad, hmmm so lets see how to get that to happen, but then you cant leave for 2/3 years, but then i want to be a mother in that time.. the world of what if's were back to haunt me.. and so in calmness i remembered my favourite Sunscreen Song

When nothing makes sense, you must be doing something right

The lyrics to Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen, by Mary Schmich:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.