Friday, August 27, 2010

reflecting on me

I am tired.

Feels like a long week has elapsed and that a lot has happened. Though when I look back I cant say what. Am annoyed at the health or the non healthy habits that I seem to be living with; quite contrary to what should be the way of doing things.

Havnt written in two days…..not sure why. Am feeling apprehension, and fear.  Fear maybe a strong word but feel like am standing on the tip of a slope on a sledge, you know you are going to be going for the ride, you know you want to, infact choose it and yet there is this tumbling in the belly.

Think it is work related.

There is excitement about what we are doing, dread of failure and am I capable, excitement at biting into a substantial pie, and stability.

Maybe I am bullshitting.

Think the last bit of letting go is happening, letting go of the childlike me. Time to build the savings and depth.

Had asked myself a question a few weeks back; if there were 2 forks on the road one that was the traveler explorer road about being on the road and gathering experiences/memories. And the other pointed towards the road of work and commitment which one would I choose. That day I was not sure.

Today I am.

I will choose the routine of work. That lets me travel. Shocks me to write that, reason being that I truly believe that ones needs to “deserve” travel.  One needs to have done something hard, meaningful and when that is over the appreciation for the free flowing floating life that travel offers. The appreciation is much more.
I am going to pack the back pack. And get the corporate suitcase out.

Time for me to unleash the potential that is there in me instead of squandering it- happiness is not equated to being kiddish.

Lessons for the day.