There are events and then there are a lot of events. For the now the latter is on. Here is a snapshot of what life has been in the past few days and wondering as to why i am feeling slow and breathless at the same time.
Started with a long drive in to work, trying to get big mans attention to close certain decisions, did not happen, worked latish, drove a jittery ride home, got back, packed, prepared for the party for the next day, felt blah, picked food, went to friends place, sat there, slept early, and felt un-centered. did not know why, ignored the feeling and let sleep take over
Girl time. Went shopping all day, Cooked in the afternoon (sound like a cow - but nopes) decided to orchestrate a party with a difference, was bored of the lets sit around and drink nights, so here is what we did. 2 girls were the prize of the evening, about 14 men the competition and each of these very grown up men very given roadie type of challenges to be won and scored...
was immense fun. Saw grown boys cuddle and dance on paper, sashay down a candle lit lamp, get excited and rush around in a frenzy to make drinks to impress the girls etc etc.
Everyone had a good time. Me included.
Though have a nugget of 'i wish" left over as a residue. Wish for the creative mantle to be handled by someone else sometimes. its not a lament or a protest, but i like the land of make believe where you step in like alice in wonderland and everything is possible. It is still you but in that moment it is not you.
When the men were dancing and frolicking - for that fraction of time, it was them unhindered and loose. Liberating.
Drove out to Chennai after a mini hangover was taken care of. Sat in the car and was quiet. Felt like i was quiet after a long time. Enjoyed the silence. But interestingly there were no large lurking thoughts. Nothing huge was absorbing my attention. More like a savoring of the moment
Yet, there was something there, a blip that came and went of......dont have a word for it. more a visual. It was one of me grasping for something and constantly eluding it. Sound like I have smoked up. Have not.
Anyway, drive done Chennai had arrived
Tourism day. No matter what and how I tried to communicate to the auto drivers in Chennai they refused to understand a word of what i said. Three autos same reactions. Was taken to the other corner of the city before being deposited.
There is something about that city I cant get myself to reconcile to. The men, the letching, the complete inability to understand what u are saying, rudeness and the deep desire to slap them is irresistible. If there is one city i do not wish to live in- Chennai shall have to be it.
Hmmmmmmm that takes care of the days.
Note - there are events and more events, the feelings of what really is happening is something even i have not sat and asked of me. Need to talk to me, just no reason except that it has been a while.