Wednesday, February 16, 2011

how the tide turns


Knots are loosening up. Solutions are being found and smiles are slipping out from the lips. Between yesterday and today, a span of 24 hours in the mental set up there is so much that has changed. 

Yesterday was grey, more questions few answers. Each question seemed to be leading to another issue. Each issue was lining up like the head of a Ravana and mocking me from the distance.

Much of it was real, much of it was self created. Silly things, like needing to withdraw, who shall take care of the dog, how do I make a rhythm for me, where is home, when do I silence myself. 

There was a bottle of carefully preserved anxiety that broke, the oily mess refused to be contained and all I could do was be weepy. Water helped, some cleaning took place.

But suddenly the knots are loosening up. Bit by bit.

There has been a solution found where the dog shall be taken care off without me feeling terrible about it. A colleague has decided to shift in from Mumbai and this is good news for me too.

In a day some rays came in.

A little thing took place yesterday.. without orchestrating it there were three women in the house together. There was one who had just separated and was beginning to explore love again. Tentative little bursts of energy, and then a with-drawing shy. Scared and dabbling in middle class values.

As she sat on the table and we discussed her work, she spoke about life in a village, the time where she lived with a farmer community in their house. The daughter in law, at 19 would walk 6 km one way, collect Mahua and then return.. without any water and proceed to cook, clean wash and then only eat herself.. as outsiders this was bearable because it was for a bit. Then we would come back .. to amenities and petty woes

For them it stayed as life. 

On Sunday I was out for lunch. A begger women had her baby in her arms .. the baby was ridiculously cute, smiley happy gurgling little thing.. the mother was begging with an empty milk bottle. For that moment – you did what you could and proceeded to enter a fancy Italian place where we ate a lunch for some 2500 bucks. Devourved some wine n mushrooms. Followed it with ice cream.. and came back happy.

Was just thinking .. how much birth determines it all. Everything stems from that act. Who is where, who is what. All comes from there, all is that

Mythologically speaking there are 7 worlds above and below. The level we descend to or arise from determines where we head to the next time. If this becomes the mandate then all we need to do is to do the best to as many people as we can all of the time, baas.