A deep sigh, is the feeling that best explains the mode and the tone behind this post.
Temptation is a bitch, she slides in cloaked in mystery, seductively easy to attain and often just lies beyond reach. Swaying by herself, displaying contentment, she is alluring, mysterious and softly smiles to herself; as she moves out of your eyesight. But even then one gets the feeling that she hasn’t gone. She has merely gone to dance somewhere else. You my friend are marked. She sees you, sees through you and knows you are the one.
One of those – the ones who are seeking something from life they cant explain, the one who wants marriage and security, yet wants to be able to momentarily live the underwired life, the life of being a nobody, identity less where the rules of interaction are not about name, career, age or status, but about seduction, interaction, creation and deduction. To get lost to find themselves, and she – the tempteress of seduction sees that, her glittering eyes gleaming at her next bait and slides off, scheming her devious plots
Ah. But you are on to her. There is nothing that she can do to you. Because you see, you are aware and real. You know her tricks, have been there before. This time you are sure. Now its another stage of life, a marriage a family a child, the life of maturity beckons. It is time to bid her goodbye. Throw her out. Stamp her very existence and the moment she shows up, to deny her the comforts of your mind and heart.
Or so you think
A year passes with her dancing from the sidelines. A few more years she occasionally comes closer, never for more than a minute or two, just skirting you, a fleeting touch an embrace. Enough, to wake up that box covered sealed and thrown into the sea.
The next year, she sees the jadeness in your eyes, sees the body slump, the belly swell the exhaustion in your life. Standing at the sidelines, she throws her hair back, smoothening it with her hands ready for the kill.
Before you know it, something changes. Spring appears in your life. There is a lightness to your legs, the phone is tempting. Concealed plans, hidden deeds, behaving like a teenager never seemed more fun. Guilt comes in as you turn the key to your house, watching your partner engrossed in her/his book, the heart feels a faint twitch.
But you love the partner, that’s home, that solid. This is cloud, its gonna past race by as meaningless as a handshake exchanged in a conference room. Rationality covers the heart. The conscience washed out in the shower. Tempation tiptoes in to the privacy of your bed room. Sleeping alongside you, prohibiting you from embracing your own life, your partner, your vices getting in the way of honesty
They will never find out. You ensure that. Careful and Discreet
They find out. They leave. Things change. Temptation plays her songs, the tempo is now steep. Devouring you and holding you in, you surface occasionally to breathe before diving back again.
She looses interest. You are not a challenge any more. A puppy in her hands. Becoming a weaker version. Concealment and Deceit the co-conspirators leave from the door. Mundane is; what was once exotic.
Temptation hates mundane. Flees.
You turn the key into your house, and see the chair where they sat. You shower and there is nothing. You sleep the bed is empty. The tears come, the pillow soaks it in. Silent witnesses to the circle of life.