Can I ?
1.07 am the To Do list had shrunk itself down. The Apple had been loaded, images transferred, the dinner made and eaten, the goodnights done. Demands of the world faded like smoke and the peace of the night was a silent presence.
My hands reached for the carelessly tossed book on the bed. For a lark I closed my eyes and made a silent prayer.
Dear uni. For this night and for today, let me open the page on something that I need to re-remember.
Breathed in and out, with the book reclining on my belly and eyes closed. Feeling rather than seeing, I reached once more for the book and opened it up
Quoting from Wayne Dyer, You’ll see it when you believe it
‘………….. For me, this is the essence of a marriage relationship at a conscious loving level. The ability to suspend judgment about how the loved ones should be conducting his or her life, and to love that person as is, is a valuable exercise in detachment. Suspending judgment means honouring her need and right to be on her path according to her own inner directives without my uninvited input. Suspending judgment means also to honour my need and right to feel what I am feeling without judging my feeling as right or wrong. This is unconditional love for myself and my loved one. Unconditional love does not demand that one of us be ’right’ and one of us be ‘wrong’. When you are strongly attached to judging anyone, you are not defining him or her, you are defining yourself.
…….Since I have become less attached to making others wrong and myself right, it is much easier to be with people who view life differently from the way I do. When I do slip into judgment I find that I am much gentler and easier on myself. I allow myself to have that burst of inner anger for a fleeting moment and again when I allow the anger to seep in, paradoxically it goes.
……..My detachment does not meant that I am uncaring. I care immensely. In fact I care so much that I allow them to make their own way along their path, guiding them here and there, helping them to make responsible loving choices, catching them doing things right as much as possible and always reminding myself that I don’t own them, they own themselves……….’
Reading these words, made me change something. In a life situation where I did not know the answer, I am struggling with the decision of letting go and instead desperately seeking assurance that the end will be what I dream off. Detachment, is the cure? I wondered flopping my head and drifting to sleep.
Last night, I could feel a power back. A sense of acceptance, that made me remember that there is something larger working than me, that things happen when they do, that I can choose too, choose my feelings, my reactions and my choice and choose to not judge what I feel.
For a short time there was liberation
For a longer time there was peace.