Missing Ami

I know that you are buzy,
I know u hate the comp
i know u dont like being tied down
and I know there's stuff to be done

I know that u think of me..........
when somthing bizzarre it is u see
but send a line once in a while
so the world from ur eyes i see

there was no poem in my mind..
nor a crib nor accusation to make
just wanted to write to someone
who just like that became my mate

French life must be nice
coz i havnt heard from u since
but can so easily picture u ......in the camp
singing to the daffodills
packing the backpack in a haste
wondering where the little silk pouch went
u had it here a minute ago
damm the bugger must've fallen off the bed

Where are you headed next?
Do u know? or once again
prefer to let life simply flow....
let events and people be drawn to you
some wanted, some old and lots new

I miss the times we spent
on the beach, in the rain
laughing and crying
for reasons often unknown
just expressing , living and dreaming unknown

Was it a month or a lot more than that?
Seems longer
deep scars were exposed,
secrets shared
musings exchanged
and wisdom .. gathered on dorm stairs

well, dear freind hope u r fine
when free and unhindered
do drop in a line

Lawyer tales

It's Saturday evening, seven a clock
4 people sit around a table
heavily engrossed
Brows are all knotted and fingers dance
they squabble and squablle and then .... go hush
voices are raised again and suddenly become dim
as they huddle together and proceed to skim
through pages and pages
of laws and rules
making sense of conflicting views

The question is tricky
complex and intense
on stake are millions
of a person who wants to invest
to form a fund, to start a bank.......
how to do that??
he just doesnt understand
lost and hopless
he does what he knows best
Shoots of an email, with a SIMPLE request!!

Lawyer Lawyer, help me dude
tell me what the fuck I am to do
Ill give you money and some time
Lets meet honey,
Whats a convinient time??

Lawyers are stumped, dont know what to do
totally clueless ...they have no expertise
saying NO is not an option
a client is to be milked
whatever the email caption


fucking shit what a mess
This may be BIG
lots of dough...
on sec
thats right LOTS OF DOUGH
saying no to money.. No, NO!!
that is sacrilage, just not done
We are lawyers, we are Certified scum

Confusion solved, priorities set
the client Will be milked
fuck the rest
Clarity got, action plan is set
Line up the juniors
oooooooooooohhh .......this shall be fun
we will watch them squirm
and scratch their heads
as they figure out this intricate web

its a sad tale. not fun at all
for u see, i am the junior
On saturday at 9 a clock
not wanting to work
and so i blog

how will this end
i dont know
just hope sometime today
i get to go home

to watch tv and talk on the phone
not worry about money and complex inflows
dream of a hammock, a sunset, a beach
swaying plams adding to the melody
Wake UP!! get a grip
find out about the broker shit

with a heavy heart and tired eyes
open the books, read more rules

what a life, deviod of joy
how do they do it for coutnless years?
read, haggle, type and print
make time sheets, and watch ur life
reduced to tabs on excel sheets
recording ur various deeds
days long and short
thats ur contribution to the world
Your TIME Record.

I want out
will get there too
till then
i stand aloof
observe and cynically smile.
watching the lawyers
play their game
whats the prize??
i havnt a clue

Got to run,
make a note
catch u later
in a happier mood.
till then cheers
it will change the mood

Suitably chastened

Me little shocked at my behaviour and getting a really serious knocking too from the world. Was driving in to work and taking this right thats is a chut right into a gali, I usually indicate but today was crusing along quite happily, did not look into my side view mirror and saw the guy on his bike with his twenty year old daughter who he was dropping to work a fraction too late and bumped into him, the guy lost his balance and toppled over, the girl too

The impact broke his headlight or dislodged it from its socket at least and it broke the side view mirror of my car. I was and am in a slight shock because given it ws a bike, more dangerour or serious consequences could have emerged from this.

My hands were shaking, and as soon as the guy stood up he began to furiously scream at me, saying that I nether indicated nor heard his shout saying watch out. I merely accepted that it was in fact all fault and did not enter into a verbal dispute, where the tenor of the voice determines the winner.

As he was fuming I only kept mumbling... Sir please check if u r all right, please tell me u r not injured. He was fine overall with a few bruises on his fingers where the re where slight gashes, with shaking hands i ripped open the first aid kit and administered the bandage, unable to make sense of all the various gauges that were strewn all over the seat,

Seeing me in this state the guy also calmed down. The fellow ppl were not in a serious about to kill me mood either and he took down my mobile number to get in touch with me later to claim damages to the tune of a thousand rupees. Even if the cost of repair will be less than that I should pay him all he asks for becuae he will ned to get a tentanus shot as well

Lesson from morning mayhem. Drive safe, just becuase one knowns a route like the back of ones hand does not allow one to become complacent. Think traffic and not the wonderful meandering thoughts of the universe.

I am lucky, the guy was not a hollering lunatic punjabi. The injury was not severe, the speed at which we both were was low and impact damage less and lastly being a girl one was automaticaly forgiven for being genitically deformed behind the wheel.

In fact the parking attendent seeing the 46th new scratch on my car, decided to dispense adivce by saying " jaab taak aapka haath saaf nahi ho jata aap car ko araam se challaie" or meaning" till u get perfect at the art of driving let the car get scratched and then only we will repolish"

Didnt have the face to tell him that I have been driving for four years.
Learning precautions driving asap

Cockroach facts are stranger then fiction

Bored at work, Sitting on the Comp ( occupational hazard if u r a corporate lawyer working in a stuffy organization and are not permitted to leave even if u are as BORED as a dead pigeon lying on the sidewalk) So, to kill time I decded to research on COCKROACHES!!

WHAT?? WHY?? Come on how bored can one get???

Well... to my defence did any of you know the answer to the BIG question..

Does a Cockroach ever feel the urge to PEE??.. did u did u?? honelty have you never wondered?? Well if u have not thought about it thats your problem coz i was deeply troubled and more than curious. So this is what my Net digging uncovered.

Cockroach facts

Number 1

Scientists venture that, in the event of an all-out nuclear war, the three things likely to survive would be: viruses, silicone products and cockroaches.In truth the amount of radiation that cockroaches can withstand is equivalent to that of a thermonuclear explosion. So, show a little respect the next time your chasing one through the kitchen with a spray can in your hand!

NUMBER TWO ( these guys were more bored than me!!)

fertile eggs of cockroaches in a sealed bottle and we watched it till what felt like eternity! (The baby roaches emerged one by one and since there was no food to eat, survived on their own egg shells for weeks. Then they ate the dead siblings. Yes, that was fascinating).

Headless and Loving it ;-)

a cockroach could live a long time, perhaps a month, without its head.

The world's largest roach (which lives in South America) is six inches long with a one-foot wingspan.

Number Cruncher

Roaches By the Numbers
6 -- Number of legs on a cockroach
18 -- Number of knees on most cockroaches (at least!)
40-- Number of minutes cockroaches can hold their breath
75 -- Percentage of time that cockroaches spend just resting (how lazy can you get?)

Bad News
Some female cockroaches mate once and are pregnant for the rest of their lives (bummer).

Cracked Heels causing a problem??

Young cockroaches need only a crack as thin as a dime (about .5mm wide) to crawl into. Adult males can squeeze into a space of 1.6mm or the thickness of a quarter.

Wanna Race?
Cockroaches can run up to three miles in an hour. (Hey, it's no marathon, but it's not bad.)

How Chweeet!!

Male cockroaches transfer sperm to females in a "gift-wrapped" package called a spermatophore. Some males cover the package in a protein-rich wrapping that the female can eat to obtain nutrients to raise her young. Delicious!

Feminism has a new BAR (no not a bra! BAR)

These animals usually reproduce sexually. But in times of crisis when males are scarce, females can reproduce by a process known as 'parthenogenesis'. They can produce offspring-all female-with no help from males.

My daddy best

And if food is scarce, adolescent cockroaches can live on a very reliable resource — their parents’ feces.

Moral of story... they have been there done that and are almost always successfully showing u the middle finger

Saturday puke

Quick profile of me to help make sense of this vomit session.

Me - Human with boobs, Indian, Restless, currently assigned the role of being a corporate lawyer in India, Role = character one plays at different moments of life. Previous star performances included dabbling with being a serious student, a wannabe rat in the rat race (was young and decided to study for the CAT/MBA entrance.. thankfully flunked) a 23 yr old taking people on training camps, watching them get wet in the river while rafting and them using their dip to preach management -- yes was a TRAINER, and recently became a yoga instructor, that gave me more clarity that one needs to handle an existence in the city.

Full stop.

So now life sees me working a six day week. Technically have it good, as in I am to get in to work at a 9 30 and can afford to leave at say a 7ish. Not bad,... the boss is not that demanding, but there is something missing and that is that the inner me is not quite feeling alive.

When I look back at the three months that I have cut here so far there are no stand out days. They are all slowly melting into a mush category, time spent, but not remembered, nothing added to the memory bank, unless only tries really hard to think... and then the only memories that lazily disentangle themselves from the subconscious are the ones wherein I did something silly, meals eaten at the work place or conversations with colleagues.

WE all underestimate the value of being Silly, just plain silly,. simple things like, going up n down in your chair, laughing out aloud, cackling with glee, dumping salt in someone coffee, ( ok that’s lame) they are not professional things to do but they create bonds and memories, to differentiate that ONE moment form the countless ones lived so far!!

I am going to quote Bollywood here, and that too a typical over the top sentimental scene from the flick which had Abhishek Bachchan n Priyanka Chopra. called Bluffmaster.. Snigger all you want... but there was this one time when Bomi Irani while walking with him at the Marine Drive asks of the about to die hero, so if I make you do a flashback of the time that you have already lived ... what are the memories, the moments that you feel that you have lived that stand out??

Chances are... for me atleast, its the simple moments that stand out, when i got my fist pup home, it was raining and the family watched this little thing, sitting in our empty fruit basket sleep while we gazed with wonder, the time when i drove back from work with my running shoes dangling from my car window, I am not even talking abt the OH MY GOD moments of life, but the simple moments that one remembers.

This is my state now. I know I am on the path to something better, a change that will occur and transpire. This is a hope an illusion or a belief I don’t know, but it is the only exit strategy that I have so far to be able to survive my current routine. An affirmation and welcome for the wonder the next minute will get and gratitude for what I am learning now.

So, what is the point that I am trying to make here?

Each time I crib about not liking my work too much or feeling bored .. Someone somewhere tells me to shutup/grow up/ get responsible/ behave like a professional (which somehow means work long hours and not have a personal life) or throw economics.. you have no choice. You need the money, shut up and stop cribbing etc.

One can get used to just about anything in life, from a Taliban regime, to the American Guatemala prison existing, to the heat in Europe to bombs blasting through your trains, to a tyrannical boss, to working a lot or none at all, to.. You name it.

Probably the only creature that beats us at resilience out cockroaches and that another story!

I refuse to GET USED to it, or to live only for MY RESUME. I am alive and choose to feel that at all times. even it that implies I am labeled a drifter or a fickle person or better still the sponge,, I will know when I am 68 and rocking on the rocking chair watching the sea, my life would have been so LIVED that I may not need TV.

vomited.

An ode to being silly

Quickly test. Think back to the past week, quick flashback, what are the memories that come flooding back?? No.. no…not day by day.. just the week that was and what happened kind of test.

Hmm what would by memories be...

The weekend party, non event by itself but being surrounded by the Delhi bimbos talking about the revolution in high heels and the “heart rending” life altering method of living life as described in Tuesdays in Morrie left us in peals of laughter. (We is equal to a threesome …. two bitches and a male witch)

Spilling beer by accident across the table while having a heated discussion over reservation.. ha haa

Getting drenched in the rain, for the heck of it

Being the pink girl on the red car. … aaahh that was me sitting on my car bonnet late in the evening and refusing to head home

Bottom line silly acts have a super adhesive hold on the memory bank. Kind of like fevicol ka jood hai tuta hi nahi. When one instigates a silly action, one tends to remember… don’t you think so?? Be it beating colleagues over a computer game, or hiding someone’s lan cord, or throwing someone of the raft into the surging waters ( life jackets were on .. don’t judge me as a killer) one just looks back at those memories fondly

Requirements are simple too. One needs to be a little bored ( core status of existence) a little effort to do something about the boredom and vala we have the perfect prankster being born.

I accept, this is definitely not the best professional behaviour advice that one can be giving, but try it .. with anyone that you know. They just might slap you but hey you got one heck of a memory right there!! ;-))

Spinning Spree

GROOOSSSEEEEE

This is what every pore of my body is screaming right now!! WTF?? Why!!

Situation. The Court. Two friends meet up.

One is a dear friend and the other .. ........ (well now i am not so sure. but say three hours ago the sentence would have simply read as .. two friends of mine.)

One a girl the other ( correct u got it .. well done!! he hee.. ok ok will shut up) a BOY.
suddenly this is becoming really funny , almost like a kindergarten tale, but alas it was not a kindergarten tale. Ok ok.. will stop babbling and get on with the story.

So, the boy is someone we know moderately well and there has always been something werid about him but we put it down to idiosyncrasies that everyone has. He approached the female friend (ff) and asked her to come to a corner.

He - I have something that i wanna share
Ff -- AAh.. ok?? ( grr grr whats with him??)
HE- Can we go someplace less open
FF -- Ok.. what the F.. this is weird.. but this is old pal what the hell.. ok i guess
He - Walks to a corner.. and says can i hug you?
FF - ha haa haa .. no.!! why would u wanan do that all of a sudden, ( note he and ff meet one in 6 months)
He - I feel very close to u.
FF -- WTF?? ( what the fuck for the non initiated)
HE- Unbuckles his pant, drops them and FLASHES her!!
Ff -WTF WTF WTF WTF!! What the FUCK ####!!
HE- I hope u r not weirded out
FF- HUH?? WTF!!
He- U see secretly i am a Nudist!!
FF _ yup u can now chant with me ( WTF WTF WTF!!)
He - Can i hug u the next time i meet you
FF- NO!!
Run run run run run

This is a true incident. None of the characters are drawn from imagination. given the time lapse it is now a historically recorded fact that there are creeps who exist in all spheres. Beware of men lurking you into corners because not all of them wanna share there last ciggie with you. Mommy was right. dont trust people who take u into corners.

Oops … somewhere down the line this has become a crusade against corners.

bad bad corners!! if there were no corners, there would nothing bad taking place. Simple solutions.

on a serious note

I am glossing over the incident as I dont know what to make of it. Do u ever know what somone is capable of, and how can one always live with their guard up, even against friends. When do u just "be" and with whom? when is sweetness and normalness a mask and when is it the way it is? How do we help perverts and not become bitches who shun them? questions .. deeper than that surface, but sink below when to the depth of freakish shit .. and live there.

Working me??

Something i wrote when I began a nine to five job. It was in response to a mail. Still the same job and the same feeling .. only more intense and severe.

My work!

grapevine says u choose to stay
than to come to make ur way
thru the mess and the chaos
thats defines this city, its ethos

alas its true, lawyering is now what i do
drive long hours to get to work,
once here pray to god
"make today the day i get out early from here, Dear lord"

Its not that bad,
just a wee bit grim
ppl dont talk
but merely skim,
thru files and pages
full of words,
mail them across and then begin anew
reading documents
looking for some one to screw!

Its mundane, its for a year
58 weeks to go thru
1 week done, and some to go
will stretch out my wings,
and then fly again
to a happy land, where ppl smile
laugh and bit and maybe cry
where a joke is not taboo
and travelling is what i do.

Till then i wait,
I bid my time
giving the heavens
time to write
the next chapter in my life
whatever it may be will take it in my stride!!


A Free spirit, a dear friend and a seeker wrote back saying

lawyering is not what you do,

not yet,

counting weeks down from grim faces

might take much of your breath

they look grim and so do you pretend

you've all just joined the gang.

the distortion of human life and its simple ethics...

the invisible power play that betrays all heart to the realm of the mind

and yet heart has the power to nurture even the coldness.

why wait, when you have made a choice

remember you too have a role to play

to offer, that which you seek in them

that sweet nectar of the inner smile

you may discover, you are not fooled

and instead may be amused

you may want to go in a little deeper

not be fooled, not count

b and let it b

nor succumb, nor reject

keep that inner smile

close to you

I know.. my eyes were rolling too. I think something deep and profound is being said here but as of now I am no that wise to get it. Might explain why I am still in the same job though!! ;-)

Nothing against the well wishes of the freind except it had me scratchibng my head for a while..

dreams mine

An ode to the simple things in life!!

Woke up to the resounding cheers of the ISB placements.. caught my self slipping back in the world where success is measured by the slry slips coming in at the end of the month.

Felt the need to recount the things that i hold sacred... life in its simplicity and what i seek from it.

things that make up a good life.. a good day for me.

a good night sleep... dream that leaves you smiling for its bizzarreness
an early morning breeze.... peace and stillness of the morning
a hug kiss.. simple signs of affection from some one you love.
Meanigful conversations.
work done... work that is charged with energy, leaves you feeling happy and with a sense of acheivement
creating moments......... in the day. something as tiny as watching the sparrow take a both in ur veranda
taking snaps of something beautiful
playing with someone.. a child a dog.. just observing the free spirit at work
running.. keeping fit...cycling.. letting the rhythm of ur body do its own thing

travelling to locations where you have the time and the desire to take part in the local dance, drink with them and feel accepted
opening up your house to freinds
having a rambling house, used as a station by freinds, from all walks of life, as a studio, as a place to exchange views... a place with open gardens, an unhurried pace of life, small nooks and corners, plants .. dogs.. lazy tes sessions.. heated discussions and action all congregationg there.
Shifting cities, and coutnries.. and making new ties. keeping up with the old.
learnng why the french make their bread the way they do
why the koreans drink in that stlye
praying in the inner sanctum of a bhuddhist shrine on the highest peak of mexico.

Watching the rain from the tall glass window of your house, wrapped in someones arms..

simple memeories .. that i hopoe to create.
The concrete things.. I need to figure out before I can create these goals.
but more n more the certainity.. that I want to move cities and soon countries is getting stronger. Finding the path. Sticking to it.

Know it will work
Hmm... too much of a heavy start to the morning no??

ROLL UR EYES Now