Friday, June 17, 2011

vipassana

I failed at completing the Vipasana.

24 yrs old, a lost cocky law graduate I did not know what I wanted to do with my life. Groping for answers, unemployed and juggling for balance I decided to head to Vipassana to spend time with myself to get to know the answers from within.

A flirtatious meditator and worse a person with limited attention span or mental concentration to stick to any one thing, it was a silly commitment to have made. At 24, it is just one more window of exploration that is opened, one more world that you want to peak into. So off I went. M kept insisting that I was biting more than I could chew. It wasnt easy. It was grueling.

Completing a holiday with friends, and spending a day doing nonsense, I packed my bags. Gingerly looking at the massive gates of the Dharamkot ashram I did not know what to expect, what to sign in for. I stood there waiting for my number to be called and verdict declared.

I was in. Had a room not a dorm. Sharing with 3 other women.
Plonking my bags, I trugded up to the room, getting ready for the 10 days that waited for me.

To do justice to what happened I need more time and more space. Sheepishly also a lot more honesty. The truth of the matter is that in the end, I could not complete it. I cried and cried, cried somemore and had no idea why. As i beseeched the teacher to let me go, she looked me straight in the eye and said that I was leaving an operation incomplete and that it was people like me who needed it the most

Its been several years and the one failing that follows me is this
the inability to spend 10 days in silence with me
one day