Wednesday, February 4, 2015

an everyday day

I am waking up, the last few minutes before the eyes are waking up and the body realizing who it is. My body is stretching a little bit, seeking a familiar smell, curled like a ball the arms unravel from myself and reach out on the sheets. eyes shut, brain fuzzy it reaches out for you -- like a baby kitten seeking warmth 

Waking up, shutting off the dreaded snooze post the mandatory 5 minutes which was repeated three times. My arms hurl the blanket off and head off in search of my kitten

There she is, lying on her bed, face down on the pillow, legs sprayed in her favourite frog position that she loves. She senses me before she hears me and lifts her head up, crawling on her belly to come closer.. I cover her back with the blanket and she snuggles into my legs. Reaching out like a baby kitten seeking warmth

Smiling, I kiss the top of her head, waiting for the dog to come and join the pretend kitten morning that we are having. 

Images from yesterday flash in my head as I stroke her back, while she crawls up on me and rests her head on my shoulder. One of the two ponytails that she is sporting tickles my nose and I laugh. She chuckles and snuggles back in. Still. Inert. Wanting nothing more than being held warm and close.


I whisper. 
No response

Old mac donald had a farm, and on the farm he had a ...
I pause

Nestled against my chest the tiny kitten mews -- cow. 
Another day has begun. 

Yesterday I saw my baby grow up. Coming home post a spinning class I headed to the shower. Mumma, Mumma, a voice peeped outside the door. Parked and lathered behind the shower curtain I heard the door open and a little face peeped at me - through the curtain - giggling in her adventure

There i stood.
Wet, lathered - laughing. As she and her pig tails stood at the end playing with the water drops
Hehehee Maaamaa she said, looking- questioningly at my bare body. 
Tara face dirty she declared. 

Attempting to join me in the bath with that deceleration. 

Standing there wet, I admired how much motherhood teaches you. Ten years ago being caught in the shower would have made me cringe. Here I stood, laughing, lathering her face, blowing bubbles in her direction - as natural as can be. We  toweled ourself dry and ventured back to the world

Lena came. From office. - Tara knew that. 
She knew that Lena needed to relax and let go,
So T came to me and said mamma put put, Dance Dance put put
and we did. Had the radio on, wine in hand and danced up and danced down

Sitting on the sofa later in the night, I knew life was allrgiht
The ball was rolling on the newness.
the home was warm, cozy, filled with love and laughter
Thinking of the new job, country, friends, places filled me with butterflies, I have not had that level of butterflies in very very long. The good nervous. The OH MY GOSH - fear and joy intermingled together
Feeling that feeling itself made me happy and joyus

Gratitude is pausing and acknowledging that which is good