Tuesday, December 2, 2014

A speck is me

I am a speck in the cosmos.

As tiny as I feel a grain of sand is on the beach.  

The realization that I am miniscule, tiny, irrelevant is strangely liberating. It re- emphasized for me that no matter what I do, achieve  or create – the passage of time will erase it.

Everyone and everything around us is set to go. Evaporate. Disappear.  Your boss, your phone, your pet, your clothes, your travel, your memories, your experiences- all gone

Four small experiences over the course of the past weeks made this feeling of utter peace a little more truly

1.  I read an article on buzz feed that brilliantly mapped the change in scale and perspective between Earth, and our planets. Our planets ant the solar system, our solar system in the galaxy, our galaxy vs other galaxies, and a comparison of the infinite and vast galaxies overall (

2. Seeing interstellar –  without going into the depths of how the movie was, good or bad, the fact remains that it showcased how there is the infinite possibility of life, planets, stars and a whole universe out there.

3.  Travelling – Sitting by the window seat of a giant Boeing and watching all of what we call earth, fade away and being replaced by a sea of clouds. Watching how minute the trees look, how houses fade into valleys, valleys give way to mountains. A road looks like a static river. The sun shines on it all and you only gaze down on it wishing everyone there peace and love

4. Going to the Zoo- Walked into the aquarium, and as T said muma fish fish fish, I saw this

A rock ,
A fish

A rock shaped fish, a fish that can be invisible and my jaw dropped. I gazed at this being and the multitude of other creatures that lined the aquarium and the speckness factor of my life only increased

All this made me realise that there is so little of life that is carried forward. Most of the moments of my past have dissolved. I remember few of the books that I have read,  have forgotten movie plots and play themes. The one thing that sticks more is bad Bollywood songs

Life ebbs by, creates and carries on. I worried through most of it. Will I be rich? Will I find love? Will I have someone to call my mate? What is my purpose? This half living consumed me more often than not

Today, I still worry – Will I get more money? Will I be promoted? Will I get my bikini body but all this in a highly dispassionate non-involved way.

S told me I am basking in momminess, that this contentment – or lack of ambition comes from being a mom. I disagree.

It comes from being a speck
Tiny, lovely and insignificant