not nice

Had an encounter with the past yesterday.

From nowhere my very own phone flusher called to enquire (*wen does one use inquire and when enquire? Do you know) if I had his passport. Huh? What the fuck? Why would I have his passport, when I have not seen the man in ages. I mumbled something and hung up fast. The only reason that I took the call in the first place was because, having deleted all his numbers, it flashed as an unknown number.

To make any sense about my reaction and the disgust at receiving this call, need to borrow snatches of memories from last year.

Had lost my marbles, plain and simple and hence permitted this guy to become a part of my life for a short while. His actions and inactions, were however bewildering to state the least and he remains the only person at some level to have invoked fear in me. Why? Because he became border line violent, barged into the house, flushed my cellular device and rather than apologize informed me how more would soon follow.

Its been a while and I had assumed that it was one of those horrific things that happen in life, that you block from your memory bank and dump forever in the recycle bin. Turns out however, that there is still a bit of residue simmering somewhere in my intestines.

Ugly memories came rushing back for me yesterday morning when I got a call from female 2, someone he had been dating last year.

Female 2 went through the well defined stages of love from – moonstruck love--- to he is ‘fine’ the world just does not understand him---- to my friends do not know him like I do---- to wait a minute, maybe everyone has a point ---- to oh my god I cant believe he did that ----- to this is insane and absurd, what was I thinking and ---- slowly, grudgingly and painfully decide to cut loose and escape.

Interestingly in this entire cycle the deeper question remains— HOW DID I END UP DOING THIS TO ME?

It takes me ages to label someone as being a non trust worthy person, the belief that everyone is good is so ingrained that sometimes even a molester is given a second chance. But this man has proven himself to be psychotic

Incidents determining the above wrt to female 2

• ·         Dated her for months and serial dated several other women alongside
• ·         Got into a legal and sexual harassment case, almost lost his job, had gangsters after his life and became a fugitive within his own city
• ·         Bombarded into her friends house at 2 am and threw her phone down 5 floors.
• ·         When she stopped interacting with him he circulated her house 45 (no exaggeration) times, tipped the local guard to tell him when she returned home, hoodwinked strange people on the road to ring her doorbell, and created cock and bull reasons to attempt entry
• ·         Was violent towards her, including verbal and physical abuse
• ·         Called her office land line, spoke to her colleagues asking for her
• ·         Made her pay for his rent, his telephone bill, his car servicing charges, all entertainment expenses and what not
• ·         To top it all, he abuses and bitches about everyone, including yours truly, and yet moments later can pretend to be their best friend

All this along with leading a filthy lifestyle where orange juice is stored in the bathroom sink! and served from there to guests and gulped down while shaving…...yuck!@%$#

All-right, think the point has been made that there was/is something abnormal about the person in question. The rant may cease and I shall desist from getting into more mudslinging.

Would ordinarily have not gotten involved in this kind of petty writing, but last night I woke up screaming, shivering and jerking. Had been dreaming and in the nightmare felt vulnerable in my own house. Felt fear and goose bumps, felt like the actress in a horror movie and so real was the emotion that I yelled or there remained a vivid scream that emitted from my throat.

It was not funny, I ended up calling Male Monica at 1.30 am, quacking with fear just so my subconscious voice heard something reassuring. Made him tell me that I was safe, made him whisper that there was no one who was lurking outside my room and only then did I release my grip on the phone and fall asleep.

Something somewhere is a reason for our paths crossing. There is a lesson I guess in this, a learning about getting the instinct guide your perception of people, of letting them earn the merit of being a part of your life before osmosing them into mine.

Have to learn to shutup and not permit photosynthesis sharing with strangers, merely because the vibe is good.

Glad it is morning!