laughing it off but its serious

It happened again.

Both during lunch and dinner. Saw the reactions of things that I consider everyday places alter significantly because of the people i was with.

Went with Jan (Yan is how you pronounce it) to a nondescript restaurant called Nandini. Jan who? A chef from Germany on vacation in India, who sails the world as a part of one of UAE's  ministers sailing boat and hence offers a glimpse into the luxuries of the ELITE RICH we cant even begin to fathom.

That is another post, and for now being shelved for later.

Nandini is a basic thali place. Eaten there numerous times and never got the treatment that i got yesterday. Someone was hovering over our table constantly, serving rice coming with more helpings before we even knew we wanted one, asking us how the food was etc etc. Its like expecting Mac Donald to suddenly start behaving like a finedining place... was laughing at what all changes because of the skin tone

Then the evening came! went with M for a dinner. Guess you can say that "I asked for it" but have always had a HUGE issue with that line of thought. Was dressed in a black dress, little above the knees and high heels. The wind was making the dress .. well whippy and to add masala to the entire evening was sitting with M... in a bar and heaven forbid actually lit a ciggie!!!!!!

That was it. Men behind me made assumptions... bolstered by the confidence of being with a bunch of boys proceeded to stare, gesticulate and went to the extent of making thumb up signs at M. The sad part of the entire evening was that this was in an up scale place, where one thinks the so called "crowd" is respectable! whatever that term means.

Ruined the evening for a large part.

But returning to the question.. Where does individual choice in attire/behaviour/company/attitude become a reflection of who you are and want to be and when is it an open invitation for societal judgement? Is dressing like all others indicative of virtue?   and interestingly is moulding ones attire to not stand out ... simply being practical or being a rat?

The above may be too deep a questioning session for a blog post on a Saturday morning. Guess its human nature to make snap judgements based on appearance, but somehow the rationale that a women dressed in skimpy clothes was asking to be raped... as has been argued by some of our esteemed lawyer friends in court makes me squirm.

Off to the hills. Dropping the dark mood before I leave the house. 

Roller Coaster is on

I sleep in a tizzy and wake up in one. I like.

There is so much to do and so little time.. hehee for once i like being able to say that statement with complete authority, after the stillness of last month the motion of this seems to be a boon that I have to be grateful for.

The last 48 hours have been magic. Wednesday was a rainy squelchy day seeing me happily sitting in the house, working, imagining and creating something that comes to life today. The evening was spent getting in a friends birthday and meeting someone new.

What is it I wonder that makes me gravitate only to those who are complex. Introducing SAM. Who he. one of the urban artists working to sort out life and content to watch the world go by. 30 something, little man, a market reseacher, writer, with a terrace one room and a contentment that is enviable. Ever met the kind of ppl for whom the area and place they live in seems not to matter?

a one bedroom place... littered with books, some movie posters .... a few dark gothic images and the magic of stories that move from earnest to completely insane. For me its maybe a reflection of someone who is a backpacker.. moving on and experiencing without growing too many roots.

Anyway. The party was good fun, more so it was a spur of the moment thing and this guy was surrounded by friends to get in his birthday because he was not feeling well. The night carried on and madness and pictures were taken..

Blondie was being a bitch. For some reason become more pretentiously pseuodo than i am, at these places.. dont know why... i am usually a lot more relaxed and pulling everyones leg and being silly but in the gathering of this group tend to be quieter and more reclusive. Point noted.

Dragging a very happy man to the car took and hour and as soon as i sped off only to be stunned by not 1, or 2 or 3 but a littler of TWELVE PUPPIES!@!@!!##%% ... Each fat and round and edible. Drunk M came too and before I could fathom what was happening.. Little Paul has come home.......... been taken to the vet, been fed special baby food, got a bed, a pampering set of 10 adults and is off for a weekend trip to COORG!

Talk about a change in fortune within  minutes.

The dreaded tax filing day is here.. where for sure like the MBTI "P" persona .,. i have to wake up at the last minute and know that i am dead... alas somethings are always constant.

puppy love

Paul the new puppy has come home.
Some booze, some madness and a man who suddenly made a very brave call
from a litter of many there came one
Paul was chosen and is the new love

for once letting the pictures do the talking

its a good life

You ever have one of those days when you know that for the now the going is good. There is no need to ask what when why and how, but the living is effortless, there is a joy and it is not due to anyone thing but lots of different things that seem to have just got the balancing act right

Feel like that for the now.

Am sitting on the bed, have super work to do, have done some work. The boss came over to the house to work in a Thunderbird, got drenched in the rain sat in my shorts as we sipped coffee and brainstormed and worked. There are paralled trips being planned, the evening plan jostles with the one for day after and there is an surge of excitement about life

Friends have moved along and there is good news from all corners. Some one is blooming a new wing called love, another one has decided to stay put in a city and opened his doors for the girl to come live in with him, Miss Gorgeous at 40 is gng for her dinner with her toy boy, someones application got released and there is rain! the last one topping the list of the coolest things that have happened to anyone....

Intellectual debates shine. Newness is there, and the electrician actually showed up.... ;-0 found a vegetarian ashram in Berlin for the coming vacation.., come on what are the chances of that and my hair has been behaving!

So am sailing and think G was right. Am living once more in the bubble land. Remind me not to bump into sharp objects for a while.

oooooooooooooh btw!! almost forgot!!! New Blondey Does it AGAIN MOMENT!


So am in Pondy, weekend away and all that. Finally after much hunting get a room and all that. Make lots of polite talk with Bablu, the Calcutta run away hotel boy who agrees to compel the cook to make me a cold coffee, the only refreshing form to have milk in, and all that.

Finally Blondie wants to make the best of the evening, steps into the shower. And is soaking in the warm water. Wannabe she... decides to slide the glass door of the bath... Y?? So she can capture the warmth and create a mini steam room kind of a scenario. Excellent idea she thinks. exactly what u need in a hot beach place.. a sauna!

So she casually tugs at the shower glass divider. and SCREAMS!!! in horror as the entire glass panel shatters at her touch and yells at the glass carpet around her. Wet, holding the metallic rod she is simply stands there stunned to move.

Hmmmmmm apparently it has NEVER EVER happened before. Y is that not surprising i wonder

unadulterated bull

A loong loong time ago... Indian Princess were loaded with a whole lot of crap. Jewels, Chamber maids, lots of land, a few zillion slaves.weapons and some pretty slave girls. all oh whom came along with her. Needless to say the idea of getting a princess and a mobile harem made all the Princes very excited and as soon as the first signs of puberty were reached. they all started to call on Daddy dear to let them at least have a look at her and then woo her into their kingdoms

Now daddy dears have always been smart business men. And each daughter was seen as a way of ensuring a great peace deal with another kindgom... meaning that one less state would war against him. So naturally, he wanted the richest man, ugliness not withstanding.. and LOVE.. blaaaaahh!!! 

Hmmm.. So as she turns 15 the situation is getting tense. 

Prince 1,. 2 , 3, 4, 65.,... are all in line. The king now cant decide.. but bored of watching stupid girls twirl round and round and having already slain lots of men and tigers on the battle field he needs entertainment. 

So he decided to hold a SWAYAMBAR... eh?? u say

Yea.. well this is what happens. 

He invites all the Rich guys. Gives them all one task. Much like the MTV Roadies. And then the one person who wins. (if there is a tie the task gets tougher...) This is how the World Cup evolved.,. hence Paul can predict the outcome since he is Indian as are all esoteric souls ;-) 

To wind the story down. Since you are currently spoilt for choice you must host one of these challenger events, in return for your hand for a while to the victor. It shall ensure entertainment for a lot of people and imagination avenues for even more!

Perceptions

All right, been hinting at this one for a while but maybe it is time to say it as is.

for a few months now i have been in a relationship that means the world to me. This is not a post glorifying the mush of it but a commentary on how the external world has reacted to it. External world? The nexus of family, friends... but more from the point of view of complete strangers who have no background to you and your story and seem to form perceptions basis solely what meets the eye.

Here is why this relationship raises more eyebrows than others.

I am seeing someone.. who is shocking to the Indian eyes on the road ..WHITE. And i remain as brown at the local Brown bread sold in you grocery shop.

The reactions are varied.

Step 1 - No matter where u are guaranteed one qizzical look
Step 2- The bolder ones approach the man and enquire where his native is
Step 3- the women (in this case me) is clearly open for ogling, as naturally this arrangement seems to make sense if I am either being paid for, or in some way getting compensated .. cannot be a natural arrangement
Step 4- Repeated sights of the two of us, leads to the conclusion that I am not from here, am more of an NRI and a very puzzled look results when fluent non accented hindi comes from me
Step 5- Always and no matter where, restaurants, buses, road intersection..... it is the MAN who is spoken to though clearly i belong more to the place.....
Step 6- Holding hands and walking signals that all the above assumptions were correct and a sniggering sneering look is surely allowed!

The above used to make me very ...hmmmmmmmm........ self conscious for a bit and now am oblivious to the entire thing. Like the white noise of crowded places this remains yet one more thing that you drown out from the Indian landscape and focus on what you need to do.

For example. In a recent trip to Pondicherry.. I made the error (??? not sure if i want to call it that) of wearing a skirt with a top that had a halter neck. Sitting down for breakfast at the sea side, resulted in movement on the Promenande slowing down pretty much opposite where we were sitting. Mobiles were taken out to take discreet camera shots.. and no am under no pretensions of looking like a glam model so it was the skin show more than anything else that caused this.

I could have easily changed clothes and blended in. Been invisible and all that. But for some reason,  altering my behaviour to cater to there sensibilities was something I had had enough of. It was time for some of India to start growing up and act like adults not immature 14 year olds.

now.

Spunky at 30

Spoke to Miss Gorgeous at 40 yesterday.

Who she? An person i met on work who quickly became a friend, confidant, a confider and a hilarious pit stop for stories. Todays blog post is dedicated to the movement of her life, which for the now is getting the most points for the drama than anyone else's life that I know about ;-)

A member of  bhuddist group she leads and counsels the people in her near vicinity in matters dealing with their practice and faith. One such struggling member happened to be a spunky 29 year old, who was struggling with more than faith.. was reveling in his utmost attraction for her.

Shyness be dammed he made sure she knew it too. In full force, flowers, dinners, movies, drinks the invites flew like arrows and no matter how much tact she used, the man was not one to be dettered. 

This is not an isolated case, a 20- something from her gym took the chance and asked her out, 2-3 other suitors expressed interest too..all this in a span of maybe 2 months. 

Made us think of the fact that there is a change that is taking place in the approach towards relationships. While the traditional .. meet, greet, marry and then get to know each other remains the std operating principle, in small factions and pockets there is a revolt. The people are meeting, greeting.. remaining in this limbo for a long while without necessarily looking at everything having a tommorow. 

For sure the need for a future is critical for a relationship. else there is not much to build a foundation on; but then again not everything need be a relationship that implies longevity in the looong run to take place! So amen to the new generation kids, who are being who they are, questioning what is allowed and what isnt to craft things that make sense to them....

So how old would your threshold be for the person that you are willing to ask out.. ..? stuck to ur decade are u?

Pondering in Pondicherry

The weekend was a non gadget non laptop non anything but simplicity weekend.

Drove down to Pondi with M and let the road journey just do its magic. We choose to carry no music and that was the smartest decision to have made as we actually ended up talking a lot more than otherwise. It strange, how one can be in the same house, or space with another share a lot of the daily everything and yet not really really converse and connect. And how just sitting down travelling or not doing anything but outside the everyday world can make you do just that. open up a bit more.. connect a bit more.. and know the other person a bit more

So relaxed was I in the fluidity of this weekend, that the camera barely surfaced from its box. It almost seems rude, like an intrusion to step out of the moment and take images for a tomorrow. Maybe shall regret not having images to back up the memories, but for now am glowing in the luxury of the weekend away from the drone of life.

the night before we went, we met a couch surfer from Jordan who had been in India for the past 2 years and was now headed to Munich. Quiet intense kind of a person, he was content to just be most of the time and seemed like a giant sponge soaking in things, mulling over them and then coming up with something that was revolutionary as a statement. He had never been drunk in his life, had the urge to explore but the one thing missing was any trace of restlessness. Contentment with life as is, seemed to ooze from him.

envy that to some extent.

am content to start the work day now. and so shall bid adieu!

the imagination of kink

This one is aimed at being a more honest post and am not quite sure why I am even writing it. Flowing with the tide is a good way to go with a few things. In the past few days, in lives of people connected to me some developments have been taking place that got me thinking. Changing names for obvious reasons. 

Little boy, a friend in a distant land finds himself in an enviable and non enviable situation wherein he is deeply in love with someone who he knows is but a visitor in his life and shall have to leave soon. This however, has not prevented from feelings, experiments and living to the hilt to take place

Friend 2- an anonymously talented erotica writer has reached the peak of wondering - if he shall ever find the female tigress with a conventional life per se to enter his life

Just heard that Mahatma Gandhi has written in experiments with truth, that towards the end of his life he wanted to determine if he was over his sexual urges and got his nieces to sleep naked next to him, and mysteriously simply states that he ruefully noted that he was not...

And mr colourful in India is forever wondering if there is fidelity, relationships exist and what form must they take to appeal to him and y is promiscuity shrouded in so many layers. Per se none of the above have anything in common. Each of them are distinct, geographically and morally separated and  

They are all stray incidents, but there is something subliminal that may be connecting the above. An openness to explore and experiment with sexuality; in some cases inspired by the man and in some by the women. This by itself is not revolutionary in the least, a million people do it all the time, within or outside the confines of their bedrooms/relationships

But what is more interesting than the act itself. ... is the thinking or the mind space that has "conjured" and "implemented" the edginess of the experiment. 

Guess I am going in circles.Straight talk is this. In the hum-drum routine of life, it takes a differentiated mindset to concieve of a fantasy. A sexual fantasy is not always the nurse-patient, teacher -student nonsense, but to create or build something within the normalcy of your everyday life.. requires a certain spunk, thought and a deep desire to discard the facarde call you and be someone very raw in your expression of yourself.

whenever i read friend 2's stories.. the "act" itself was often not needed or not mentioned at all. The intrigue was the naked honesty that the characters in the story shared. How they freely knew what the other person could or could not to and gently were able to push the level of comfort that their partner had evolved.

That takes true commitment. Not the boring I am loyal to you kind of commitment but the deeper.. I am committed to the cause of pushing your boundaries and making you grow. To have someone invest that much and that deeply in you... is maybe the best stroke of luck one can have.  

whistle blowers

Parking assistants in India, love their whistles. 

In small and big malls, apartment garages, huge market places the attendants with the whistles are the funniest of the lot. They insist on standing in front of  your car and blowing the whistle right at you, while managing with a feat of great balance and poise to run backwards in a manner permits you to keep moving the car. 

All this while whistling NON STOP! 

The funniest part of the entire exercise is the fact that you can see them throughout and the whistle becomes completely unnecessary!  

At dinner yesterday, as the girl conversation progressed we listed the different things that the men we had dated were into. .. The question being asked was. what is an occupation that you have not dated and would be keen to date. .. the answers took a while to come.. but they were rather fun.

Lets see:

1. Garden Landscape Artist --- Y ? You get to spend time outdoors
2. A goa shack owner... Think Dhoom2 last scene
3. Ala Peirce Brosnan in thomas crown affair -- No occupation. But a Quirky Millionaire
4. a travel journalist who has arrived. The last part being the critical feature!
5. A hotel baron
6. Tantric yogic ..hahhahahahha haaa haa haaaaa
7. a pirate
8. a mafia man.. get to see the underworld and the world of living on the edge for a very short time!
9. a travel n living anchor, who demands in his contract that gf must come along ;-)
10. a sweet mountain based school teacher.. with spectacles. .. the idea of being the temptress! cute

cant seem to think of more for the now.. the photographers and the explorers live very solitary lives, so shall have to juggle the brain a bit more to see who else to date......... maybe i shld work instead!

cravings for cake

I have been craving a cake for a long time. 

Technically it should be a simple enough craving to satisfy, walk into any Kosta or Barista, sit down with a hot chocolate cup and get the gooey cake or the chocolate muffin placed on the table, piping warm from  the microwave, get the fork, stab the delightful sinful artefact, watch with satisfaction the ooooooozzzzzzeeee of the chocolate and slurp it all down in one go... only to drop your mouth open as the heat burns ur tounge.. 

But that is not the ISSUE. 

For starters, more than the cake i am missing the surreal smell that fills the entire house as a cake is simmering and cooking in the oven. The whole process of baking a cake for me is filled with magic. As a child "cake day" was an occasion. the Egg beater would be unpacked from the highest cupboard, eggs be got into a Jain (technically forbidden act) household, the shells be packed in foil and newspaper and craftily disposed off in a manner that would not arose suspicion.

Pink measuring cups, butter melted in boiling water, stirred ever so lightly in the clockwise direction, tiny measuring spoons, proportions and recipe books, the entire act was NOVEL.. so far removed from the unromantic whistle of the pressure cooker, the yellow dal and the unceremonious dumping of the masalas into a stirring kadai of BRINJAL.. with a casual flick of the hand

A cake gave rise to tension and anxiety. Once the batter was made, licking rights were given to me and my brother to spoon out the choco residue from the mixing bowl.. the cake would be placed in the hot heat emitting oven and the longest 45 minutes of our lives would start.

Mommy mommy, come quick the cake is blowing up

Oh no! Mom!!! Disaster the top crust has cracked.. and the cake shall be not nice ;-(

or the worst of the lot..nothing is happening only! the cake is not moving...

suspense filled our lungs as the hot baking dish was removed, tilted over a plate and whacked with the heaviest object in the kitchen to release it from the pan. The urgent first cut of the knife and the first bite.. to ensure that all was well.   

The entire baking experience to me..... meant that for a few moments I could transform myself into the land of Enid Blyton and make believe that I too understood the joy of a "bright sunny afternoon, where the kids took a picnic basket of watercress sandwiches and treacle pudding, as they bit into the ham that mother had so thoughtfully packed" 

So sure, I can walk into Kosta, and get that bloomey cake.. but secretly want to giggle, mix, sieve and break, the eggs and flour and anxiously wait ... for the oven to decide the cakes fate. Doing it alone is not fun at all, so i wait to get a baking pal! 

wisdom from up above

It was a glorious day yet again as I surfaced this morning, the birds were up, the breeze billowing and the city waking up in a slow motion that even the makers of inception would have envied! 

As I sat on the roof and post the meditation reached out for an extract to start the day. ..these words from a Deepak Chopra leaped out at me and made me immediately want to pause and ponder. The simplicity and truth blew you away, as did the obviousness of it all. 

Here is that little nugget..

We are travelers on a cosmic journey--- stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. But the expressions of life are ephemeral, momentary, transient. Gautam Bhuddha, the founder of Bhuddhism once said

this existence of ours is as transient as autumn clouds

to watch the birth and death of beings is like

looking at the movements of a dance

a lifetime is like a flash of lightening in the sky

Rushing by like a torrent down a steep mountain

We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity. If we share with caring, lightheartedness, and love, we will create abundance and joy for each other. And then this moment will have been worthwhile.

catching up

Saw a friends album called "travelling teadom" http://www.facebook.com/#!/album.php?aid=462966&id=886530051 and ode to her two loves travel and tea and the various versions of tea had at locations as varied as the tea itself ;-)

Made me think if there was a travelogue I would want to create what that would be.. think the dogs that I have met and the memories shared with each.. as ridiculous as that sounds there always are some special dogs that come and begin to form a bond with you when you commence travelling

R and P, ages ago were trekking up the Dharamshala hills to head to Triund, as they moved along the narrow crevices this dog followed them, waited as they took too long and then bounded up after ensuring that they were safely behind

Unrelated, but a super cute dog story and a super disgusting animal right violation story were in the paper today. 2 Great Danes belonging to an IPS officer decided on a lark to head out for a night walk, unsupervised, being the big blundering things that they are they soon got lost and did not know the way back home again.. So they did the next best thing that they could... they looked around for the familiar Khaki uniform of their master, saw 2 constables and followed them to the closest cop station and remained there till the next day happily getting pampered at the station by the friendly neighbourhood cops! (http://www.bangaloremirror.com/article/10/2010072120100721054551680de73a99/Charlie-Angel’s-night-out-.html)

The brilliant detective power of the cops kicked in finally and they sent a message on wireless looking for the masters of the dog .. till the final rescue was done. 

Story 2 is sadly not as cute, nor does it have an ending that makes u smile. Russian private entrepreneurs, that definitively get brownie points for being innovative but the marks earned by cruelty negates all the positive wisdom they could have earned. 

They decided that tying a donkey to a parachute would be thrilling and attract tourist to their beach. Result, a very scared, crying and braying donkey was suspended mid air, crash landing in the occean from where the half alive to the closest beach.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEep5BrexT0

Poor donkey! this is one Up In The Air, visit he could have done without! 

bed time stories

I have never ever bought a bed. ever. and have been living alone for a few years now.

The first two years were spent on simple cotton mattresses, that were laid on the floor one on top of the other, and every morning a complex routine would commence.. where the mattresses had to be rolled into a heap.. an exact science which if done incorrectly would make a certain person jolly mad.. the maid would sweep n swap and the roll out would recommence...

Time rolled on by and as the finances of the same certain inhabitant were upped, the cotton mattresses gave way to the kurlon thick coir variety.. This was super uber movement for me.. I could actually Jump on them and feel a spring of movement to them that made the mattresses simply spectacular..

You still could not quite dangle ur legs and SIT but hey.. jumping happened quite spontaneously.

Then came a house in Delhi... mattresses of non descript description followed by the mad house of 2 men and a girl.. This was the mountain movement.. There was not one or two but a HILL of all kinds and sorts of mattresses packed one on the other and a sheet on top.. you sort of could dangle your leg, jump and collapse on it and fall PLOP down and feel reallly happy!!!

Finally... Blondie got HER OWN VERY HOUSE N LEASE ;-) She bought one of her first pieces of furniture and it was a Futon.. this was a development unparalleled!! As in her historic life she had WOOD below her head and ass as she lay down to sleep. Contentment oozed from her as the room mushroomed around the low bed that though not the best arrangement for her room.. managed to make it cozy and warm..

BUT THEN BLONDIE REALLY REALLY GREW UP !!!!!

As of last evening, she is the proud owner of a BED.. Full double size, with 2 thick mattress, boxes that slide in and out, light on the head rest and ................wait for it.. I can JUMP on the BED and DANGLE my legs a combination that is impossibly cool ;-) ;-)

The new thing, has not been slept on yet. Just stood there looking at it last evening and felt very old.. like someone who owns furniture. Very SETTLED! Wonder which plastic surgeon I shall run to if i ever buy a sofa set .... heheheeee

for now.. sweet dreams and to new bed time stories!

past connections

I am a lazy bee, who is finally stirring her wings and is flying free.

Am back, and in a day there seems to be so much that has already happened.  Had a work meeting, not only did I remember how much I like the ppl I work with but also the nature of the work itself. Drove the Scorpio around the city and with temptation staring at me in the face have not been smoking… Ok did smoke 1 cigarette today but felt nasty from within post smoking it and did not give in to the temptation to smoke again the entire day!! Well done I say  ;-)

As I flew in to Bangalore a non shakeable feeling of serenity has enveloped me. Came in as soon as I landed at the Airport and almost miraculously ensured that only good things took place ever since…. The list is incredibly long

Trivial but cant be all co-incidental

·         The issuer of the plane ticket, choose to give me the best seats on the plane

·         As I browsed through the bookshop, of all the books the only ones that seemed to catch my imagination were the ones on the spirit, the self, the connection, the universe.. and bought all

·         Got the best cab  n cheapest cab driver, and as I paid him I discovered Mom had given me oodles of money for no reason…abundance seems to be everywhere

·         M super tired and sick as he was made an almost instantaneous recovery

·         Sunday morning, got project work that I loved from the moment go

·         and Sunday afternoon a reminder of why I was missing Bangalore, at home

·         Monday morning, was a dream, no traffic, warm reception from a boss even though crap work had been done

·         Finding a tempo, helpers and carpenters to transport the bed in minutes and Airtel operators who repaired the wifi in an hour

·         Lady luck remain here- shall pamper you with all that you need.

As I completed the last leg of the Brian Weiss the definitive reminder that he brings resonated deep within. The fact that this is one life time among many, there is a lesson to be learnt while I am here and the tougher lifetimes have more to teach.  And Critically – how we choose our parents

The last one, made me pause. Reflected and the one thing that I have to credit my parents for is the exposure and ingraining of the “spiritual” curiosity that was inculcated. Each member of my family has a personal library of books, each with the same message of meditation, stillness, reincarnation and the you are god. There must be a reason we choose to be together….

Looked at my personal bookshelf… and for a 28yr city bred brat, there were way too many books on chakras, gurus, visualizations, energy healing, Tibet etc and no matter who I meet it is the experiences of these liberated searchers and explorers that draws me. The quest to know the unknown. Makes me wonder what is it from my past life that feeds this? That makes me a believer and not a skeptic, that simply knows there is a spirit and a healing light and the rest of it…

No one knows the future.

However in this realm of uncertainity there is one thing I know….. that oneday some day, my work will be related only to this energy healing and inner potential, and I could not care less how flaky this statement may sound. 

admit to being lazy

All right I admit it

Have been a god awful writer and an even more awful observer of life in general for the past few days. Been wallowing in contentment for a change and even though, the flight back tomorrow lands me bang in the midst of an uncertain Blore, there is a certainty to me that makes this workable. 

Moving from the boring theme called me, here are a few snapshots of thoughts that have lingered and made a presence felt in the past few days. None are personal, all are critical. 

For Started, out librarians to shame by the amount of reading done... Reconnected with the library that the house has that without shame deals with the occult, energy healing and the role of the cosmos. Even diving in and out of the books, specially the ones that deal with past and future regressions bring home the futility and the simplicity of the lives we lead

Was coming home yesterday... at about 9.20pm in an auto on a crowded stretch of the road and old and frail man was moving his hand wheel momentum based wheel chair, the traffic honked around him before speeding off. He was old, clearly tired and yet for him to reach wherever he had to reach he had no option but to carry on and on and on turning the little wheel on his chair that shall move the bigger wheels and then the move.....  What had he done, or what a story his life must be to land him at that moment at that place... Not that he is isolated, turns out that as Indians our elderly care is disastrous.. am sure a lot of us dont have shock written all over our faces!

Am constantly awed by my friend M. He is the sole person who is constantly learning, and reinventing himself no matter how many things he juggles. Sample his average day. Morning a 5 km run, return home, read and manage his blog, write a script, head to work, handle house management, manage to come to a clinic and heal  patients as an alterantate healer, take time out to meditate, para glide and have atleast one research project that shall keep him engrossed for a year or two. Each of these must be perfected before moving on. Range of projects so far involved, kriya yoga, learning japense, Para Gliding, corporateworld, eastern philosophy. the list rapidly expands.

I am finally home and there is change. Have made excuses about how it is the heat, or the transport but the teenagerish need for me to be constantly on the move, meeting people, doing things and liking myself only and only if i was hyper active has been temporarily replaced by a sense of calmness and acceptance that life for me is slow right now.... the difference being was fighting this thought for a long time and have made peace with it

IT is what it is. It shall change when it will

i shall make it change

but it does not define/alter in anyway the person i am

wah wah. what i wise aunt i seem to be. 

To gng home and picking up the threads tomm

. 

dont like make my trip

They came up with a free ticket offer, and to get it made so many many many many many many many terms and conditions that it makes it impossible for a person to get the ticket that you need.. end result u are on the phone talking endlessly to some telecaller and then by the end of it are ready to slap him/her!

what joy

am back to Blore on Saturday. Feel good, cant wait to leave hot Delhi behind.
feel physically better and mentally determined
need to get my house in order, in all manner of speech

move that ass baby
now

finally am back

Whew! What a relief. Think this is the longest break that I have taken from the blog since i started it. Just goes to prove how long the illness lasted, how long the mental fatigue was and what a basket i became.

The sad part about the last fortnight, is that it shall take but a few sentences to sum up. The good thing about the last fortnight, is that it has given me renewed energy to get up and get moving again and I can feel a sense of enthusiasm and curiosity that I had not felt in a long time

So anyway.. without further ado a recap of the time that was.

For the un-initiated .. I was sick. Reason unknown and largely remains so, my body was getting the thermometer to rise religiously each evening, and stayed erect till he was cooled down. Sounds erotic. but was anything but ;-(

Pathetic, as it sounds ... turns out that I am a big fat cry baby. So after about 12 days of being sick, and trying everything from sit ups, to sleeping in, three rounds of antibiotics, needles in, needles out and the rest of it... the last doctor was visited with beesching eyes requesting him to wave some magic wand and tell me that i was gng to be ok soon.. Wave the wand he did... only to declare that i am suffering from TYPHOID!! and better be stuck to my bed for 5-7 more days

I WEPT!! LOSER.. went and gave a blood sample. Felt pathetic and sorry for me, called daddy, and asked in the tinniest sheepish voice possible, with a slight tremor of the next tear drop in the throat, if it was all right for me to come home, since i had typhoid!!! the mother of all diseases and was tired of being alone

DADDY DEAR turned into Prince Charming and gallantly YELLED AT ME- "This is your house, never ever again ask me that , you can come anytime all the time" .. God I love parents ;-)

 So Miss Blondie, being the supreme chicken, wiped a few tears, packed a hasty suitcase (which i am currently regretting, having worn the same T shirt for 4 days of last week) and booked herself a cab, a flight and tickets to goa in that order. 

The last being a treat, for when i got better. Yes I believe in self love!

Anyway, M was aghast, the cab driver a moron and me a melodrama queen, who wept to the airport, the speed of my tears and those on the window of the cab battling for the finish line. Had no clue why I was crying, but something seemed very wrong as I was leaving.. the fact that i was Running away was obvious to anyone with a sense of objectivity. 

The Flight took FOREVER, the luggage even more. Semi fainted at the airport, collapsed in the car, waddled home and passed out in the bed.

But the best was still to come... the next day turns out 

1.   Blondie does not have TYPHHOID-- while the whole world thinks otherwise

2.   Mommy rubbishes the blood test guys and takes to another doc

3.  Doc 4646, thinks i dont have ANYTHING but a Drug fever, induced by taking too many drugs n no food

4.  I feel like a FULL LADDOO!!! and a joker

NET RESULT - I am pulled off medication. Put into tender loving care of mother, home food, fussing around and being made to feel the star queen, am permitted and enjoy hours of sleep and in a week, after 15 days, am BACK! to being totally ok ;-)

by the end of it was ready to snap that thermometer in 2...

That is that. The good thing is that it is simply lovely to have the option of a home to run into, and when sick,  there is no one in the world, no sister, brother, friend, lover, who can do what comes automatically to a mother. Mommies are the bestest.. and mine triply so

A week later, the house arrest is now over and am enjoying the raining Delhi, with the energy to resume and revive the shambles that Blore was before i left... to being back.. it feels great ;-)

stop sleeping

STOP BEING ILL!
GET A MOVE ON.....MOVE ON IN YOUR LIFE
TODAY
REACH OUT TO PPL
DO THINGS THAT MAKE U HAPPY
DOCTORS BYE-BYE
HEALTH COME BACK NOW!
STABILITY N JOB SECURITY - NOW

rise my child rise

Hmm so have been like a flopped fish for several days. I wake up, flop to the loo get ready to take on the day, get a fever and flop back to bed, sleep nonstop for hours, wake up feeling even more drained and the cycle carries on.

enough, fever or no fever the body is going to get one slap and there is time to commence making a serious move about some things. Nagging but true statement is that a part of me was not getting better, because there was nothing super to look forward to u during the day in any case... pathetic attitude that has to has to stop

So have got myself home. got a list of things to do that include finding a job and closing loops that have been lying half open for a long time.

Action more than floppy fish.

now

Contradictions

Todays paper was just that

1.  Bar girls to not be allowed to wear anything but sarees, salwar kameez's and churidhars

2.  Delhi honour deaths. a reality, the law shall be looked into

3.  Law minister comments on Lord Ram-- a man or a god

4.  The ex kamasutra model was to marry her beau; rejection lead to the ultimate outcome

5.  Foreign expats must earn a minimum of 25000 USD to get a visa here

6.  Tiger woods wife is now a multi millionaire! whoaa . good for her

7.   Gays to parade in Kerala and live-in couples given protection by the SC

What does one even say at the 2 extremes that are represented here. I for one am quiet

what would u shoot?

been working on a research project on videos. And it got me thinking. 

if u were to make a 10 minute footage on something, anything. You had a camera, even a tiny handheld device would be adequate then what is it that you would want to get in the form of a movie/footage and show the world?

This one man made a movie in a budget of less than 220 dollars. http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2004/may/18/filmnews.cannes2004 

Revolving around the life of his mother, it is now going to be released as a major block buster

I have never even contemplated the idea of hosting something on youtube.......never thought there was something that was worthy of it...

antics of your dog? child?.wedding songs and dances? all seem too trivial .... 

But what about creating a 10 minute suspense... in less than 1 minute ad people convince us to buy things as ridiculous as hand sanitizers to wet tissues, if i had 10 minutes, there should be an entire short story that should be conveyable. 

hmmmmm lets play with writing a script shall we. Experiment is the mother of invention after all

Goooood Moooorrniing July!

Its here it is it is.. the month that I have been waiting for ever so long!! Its JULY......

There is absolutely no clear reason why I am jumping like a kid (picture a baby goat) but I have this strong ass gut feeling, that its going to be a bumper year from here on.. in terms of me, work and relationships. Moving on from the second gear to the Fifth in one fell sweep.

Now what is fueling this is my inner voice, it is just so darn excited its amazing. 

For starters, step one of the make over was completed yesterday. Am back to looking pretty and re discovered the wardrobe. The fitness routine commences with friends from Monday, have already enrolled for a photography course, have located a lens to buy, shall do one holiday this month and am getting bike drving lesson one. 

The education course shall be applied to  by next week as well as new work places. The travel plans shall get solidified and yoga classes resumed. I am on a roll and cant hardly wait

Am sure the work will be good, the money better, the love life adventurous and me centered in the middle of this. Its about time! bring it on i say.... ;-)